


Ignition

by karmacarmilla



Series: Ignition [1]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, F/F, Hollstein - Freeform, Teacher AU, karmacarmilla, school au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-11 09:22:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 32,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5621998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karmacarmilla/pseuds/karmacarmilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Science department runs out of money, leaving it up to Math and English department to ration up their savings and share it. The problem is, the head of the English department is nowhere near as intense as the head of Math.<br/>aka<br/>The Teacher AU I'm not sure the fandom needed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Feelings are just like the Weather

**Author's Note:**

> I am so excited to be starting this! I have actually written almost the entire fic and will updating daily because I absolutely hate hiatuses on stories and don't want to do that to you all. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it.  
> Enjoy!

_~I'll be holding all the tickets and you'll be owning all the fines~_

**Carmilla**

_ 10:34 AM _

“Remember, we can define an event as a specific outcome of an experiment. What is an event? An event is a subset of the sample space.”

Carmilla explained the terms as she walked around the room, passing out worksheets to the students. The class bell rang but all of the students stayed put in their seats. She made her way around until she passed out the final paper.

“Do this worksheet for homework. You are dismissed.”

Instantly the students stood, gathered their things, and hurried to their next classes. She sighed as she sat down at her desk and began to grade the quizzes the class had just completed. They were all fairly good but she couldn’t help but get frustrated with some of the lower scores.

_ You have the potential. Why don’t you just try? _

She knew she had a reputation of being one of the hardest teachers in the school but she genuinely loved her students and her job. She pushed them because she knew they could do better if they applied themselves and weren’t so quick to give up when they didn’t understand something. Scribbling on the notepad she kept next to the quizzes, she reminded herself that she needed to write out an answer key. By the end of the year, she was determined to have every single one of her students pass.

 

**Laura**

“So you see, Salinger wanted to make the point that everything is temporary. Holden wanted everything to stay the same but it was keeping him from making necessary changes in his life. I want you all to understand that message as well. Nothing lasts forever and sometimes that’s okay. The test you failed? It’s temporary. You most likely won’t even remember it when you’re as old as me,” The class laughed at her statement knowing that she was one of the youngest teachers in the building. She had gone straight into her career right out of college and it showed with all of the enthusiasm she had. 

Just as the class quieted down the bell rang, only for the room to grow loud again as they packed their things and headed to their next classes.

“Have a great rest of the day!”, She called out though most of the class had already left the room.

She sighed, shutting the door behind the final student. It was her planning period and she finally had time to relax. Sure she found enthusiasm in her work but last night had been rougher than she had imagined. She had looked over more than one hundred essays and took the time to make comments on every single one of them, good or bad. She had this belief that finding solutions to fix the problem was better than simply failing a student after her college professor left her wondering what she had done wrong on one of her midterms. He had given her a barely passing grade without any comments or edits - just a letter in red at the top of the page. Ever since that day, she was determined to make sure none of her students would ever be left wondering. Just as she had begun to unwind, the door opened to reveal Dr. LaFontaine.

“Hey LaF.”

“Hey there, sorry to interrupt you during your planning period but we’re about to have a meeting and not everyone received the email.”

She sat up in her chair, “Right now? Not everyone has planning right now.”

“I know we’re doing it by department. You need to hurry though, the superintendent has come down.”

Laura’s eyes widened as she grabbed her keys and hurried to the meeting, locking her classroom door behind her.

-

“Where did the money even go?”

Everyone turned their heads towards Carmilla Karnstein, the head of the math department, who had spoken up. She was known for her strong and fearless personality. No one seemed to intimidate her and she would ask what she wanted when she wanted. 

The superintendent turned her head towards the science teachers that all looked to LaFontaine.

“Well,” LaFontaine started nervously, “There was an explosion in one of the labs and we had to replace a lot of equipment which was kind of pricey and well…”

They didn’t finish their sentence but everyone knew how it would’ve ended. The money was all spent and now they couldn’t afford to do any more experiments or take their annual field trip to the Science Center.

“Thanks to these reckless behaviors, we are going to have to take money from other departments. The government will not allow us any more funding leaving us no choice but to take the money saved from either the English or Mathematics account.”

Carmilla scoffed at the superintendent, “Why should we have to take away from our saving because of these dimwits?”

Laura coughed slightly before joining in quietly, “I wouldn’t exactly use the word dimwits but I have to agree. The English department has spent years trying to collect a sufficient amount of funds for us to take a trip to see Antigone as well as possibly getting some hardcover books for the students.”

LaFontaine sighed and gave her an apologetic look. They knew Laura had been doing everything in her power as head of the English department to finally work towards doing more than just the traditional required reading and essay writing - their little mishap may ruin it all.

“Blondie over here actually made an excellent point,” Carmilla nodded in Laura’s direction, “We have things planned and budgets made around things. If the Sciences can’t get their shit together that’s their problem.”

Nearly everyone in the room simultaneously gasped at Carmilla’s word choice though they knew nothing would happen. She was one of their most valued teachers and no one would dare throw her out.

“Well Ms. Karnstein, what do you suppose we do then?” Before she could respond the superintendent spoke again, “And leaving them without any money is not an option.”

Carmilla groaned, looking at her watch. “I’ll think of something. Until then I’m going to need the head of English to meet me after school so we can figure out how to split this up. I’m going to get some lunch.” 

Just like that, Carmilla was out of the room and Laura was sinking into her seat.

She was the head of the English department.

-

_ 2:05 PM _

Laura sat at her desk with her head in her hands. She was stressed beyond belief about meeting with Carmilla. The last bell of the day had rang and she wasn’t sure when was too early to arrive. She decided she would wait a few more minutes before heading over to the Mathematics wing. 

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever not seen you perky.”

Laura looked up to see Coach Lawrence standing in her doorway. She always seemed to visit before home games and invite her. Laura never followed through though. It wasn’t that she didn’t like her it was just not in the way that the other woman wanted her to.

“Danny, not now. I have a meeting with Carmilla soon and I’m terrified.”

Instantly Danny tensed, “Why? Is it just you? Is she bothering you? If she is I’ll say something and not even think twice.”

Laura couldn’t help but roll her eyes, “It’s fine. She’s fine...just kind of intense. I feel like this is more going to be her telling me what to do rather than a joint decision.”

“Someone needs to put her in her place,” Danny spoke through gritted teeth only to make Laura even more annoyed.

“She just has a strong personality,” Grabbing her things and standing up, Laura led the Coach out of her room. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Alright, hey maybe even tonight if you can make it to the game?”

“Yeah...maybe if the meeting doesn’t take too long.”

She gave a sympathetic smile before hurrying down the hallway. The last thing she needed was for Danny to guilt her into going to this game. Ever since she showed up to a futbol game to support one of her students who had written a brilliant essay about why it meant so much to her, Danny constantly tried to get her to come to more. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see the students play but she would much rather be home snuggled up on her couch watching her favorite television program. 

On her walk to the Mathematics wing she noticed Carmilla locking her classroom door behind her. Picking up the pace, Laura made her way to her before stopping in front of the woman that looked less than pleased to see her.

“You’re late.”

Laura’s expression fell as she followed Carmilla who was walking quickly through the hallway towards the teacher’s parking lot.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure what time was a good time. You said after school but I didn’t want to be too early but obviously it would’ve been better to be early because now I’m late and-”

“How do you expect your students to not write run-on sentences if you’re always rambling.”

She bit her lip, embarrassed and continued to follow the mathematician, “Well...um did you still want to talk about the money.” She tried to limit her words in her sentence as much as she could, now aware of her tendency to ramble.

“We need to make a budget. I can do that because I’m good with numbers but you will have to figure out the rest,” Carmilla unlocked her car door and placed her bag into the backseat.

“Well I need to know what I’m figuring out. You’re not really giving me much to work with.”

Laura instantly regret her tone as Carmilla turned to look at her with one of the blankest expressions she had ever seen in her life.

“I need to pick up my neighbor’s son from daycare. Do you have somewhere to be?”

_ I’m totally wasting precious time I could be using to rewatch Buffy.  _ “Not at all.”

“Great, ride with me.” Carmilla got into her car as Laura stood still awkwardly, “Uh are you coming or what?”

She jumped and hurried to the passenger side of the vehicle, barely being able to buckle her seatbelt as the brunette pulled out of the parking lot. 

The ride was practically silent except for Carmilla’s music playing quietly through the speakers. It was so quiet that Laura barely even realized there was music playing but it was all she focused on once she did. She had never felt so awkward in her life but Carmilla seemed to be playing it cool.

As they arrived at a small building, Carmilla hopped out and disappeared inside for a few moments. Laura took the time to pull out her phone and call LaFontaine.

“Hello?”

“I’m going to kill you.”

“Nice to hear from you too, Laura.”

She groaned, “Seriously why couldn’t you just have tried to salvage all of the things damaged in the explosion. I’m currently in Carmilla’s car and I can literally taste the awkward.”

“Wait a minute you’re in her car and you’re saying all of this to me? Ballsy Hollis.”

“No,” she groaned, “We stopped at a daycare she has to pick up her neighbor’s kid or something. But she’s like made of stone or something! It’s literally been silent the whole time and-...oh shit she’s coming back. I’ll call you later to curse you out.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

Laura instantly ended the call and put her phone in her pocket, trying to act natural as Carmilla opened the back door to let the little boy in.

“That sounds really cool, bud. I can’t wait to see your drawing when we get back to my house.”

“My teacher said it really looked like you!”

Carmilla smiled as she buckled him in before getting back into the driver’s seat. She completely ignored Laura as the little boy talked about his day. 

Laura was amazed at how much he seemed to love Carmilla. But then again, if this was how she acted around him all the time she could understand. She was so caring and attentive when he spoke and clearly cared about him. This was totally different than her earlier demeanor. She was like a completely different person. 

Reality returned when she heard Carmilla saying her name.

“Who is the lady?”

“Her name is Laura.”

“Hi Laura, I’m Noah!”

She turned around to look at the little boy with a smile, “It’s nice to meet you Noah.”

“Are you Carmie’s girlfriend?”

Carmilla’s eyes shot to the mirror so she could look at him, “What did I tell you about calling me that?”

“I like calling you Carmie!”

She narrowed her eyes at him before sticking her tongue out and looking back at the road.

Laura’s eyes were still wide, “Um...No I’m not her girlfriend. We’re just friends.”  _ Could she even call them that? Their whole relationship has consisted of Carmilla ordering her around while practically ignoring her at the same time. _

“You really shouldn’t ask questions like that Noah,” Carmilla warned sweetly without taking her eyes off of the road. The accusation clearly not phasing her.

“Well you told me to ask questions if I wanted to know something so I asked.”

Carmilla was quiet for the rest of the ride as Noah continued to converse with Laura and try to get to know her more. She couldn’t help but feel awkward. Sure he was just a kid but she was having to answer some personal questions that she wasn’t sure she wanted to answer in front of Carmilla - though she seemed like she wasn’t listening in the first place. 

Laura let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding when they arrived at Carmilla’s house. She was thankful that the questions had stopped as Noah grew tired but a new wave of nervousness came over her when she realized she was at the mathematicians home. Your home was supposed to be somewhere private and now she was about to enter Carmilla’s private area. She wasn’t sure what was overstepping boundaries so she waited for the brunette to lift the sleepy boy out of his carseat and walk up to the front door before she moved away from the car. 

Carmilla adjusted him to one hand as she used her other to unlock the door. She followed into the house and couldn’t help but look around. The house was messier than she had expected - papers and tools everywhere. It was clear that this woman was passionate about mathematics. She waited near the front door as Carmilla disappeared into a back room returning empty handed. The woman went into the kitchen, grabbing a beer, before coming back to the living room and resting on the couch. She eyed Laura who was standing awkwardly in the entryway.

“Are you going to stand there all day or are we going to actually get something done here?”

Laura nodded quickly and moved toward the couch, stepping over stacks of papers. Carmilla patted the spot next to her, indicating for her to sit. Laura sat a lot closer to her than she intended to as she tried to avoid compasses and calculators that rest on the seat.

Carmilla lifted her beer and raised her eyebrow at Laura who politely shook her head to decline.

“Not a drinker?”

“No...So um...the budget.”

Carmilla sighed as she sat up straight, “Look I don’t know what Dr. Frankenstein was thinking but they need to get some of this money back themselves. Do you know how much they spent?”

“All they said was that they lost 7/8ths of the money provided but I’m not sure what the Science department starts with.”

“Well let’s say it’s 7 million because that’s what math receives,” Carmilla leaned forward to write out the problem on a scrap piece of paper that sat on the table in front of them.

_ No wonder everything is such a mess _ .

“7/8 is 87 percent and 87 percent of 7 million is...oh you’ve got to be kidding me.” Carmilla rolled her eyes, putting the pencil down.

“How much is it?”

“Nine hundred and 10 thousand. The science department only has nine hundred thousand left. God they’re a bunch of imbeciles.”

Laura groaned, leaning back on the couch. “So we have to take the money out of our savings to make up for about 6 million dollars lost.”

“I have no idea how your friend earned the title Doctor if they can’t even figure out how to not blow 6 million dollars.”

“Sometimes i wonder…” Laura shook her head deciding not to finish her sentence. “So where do we go from here?”

“We figure out how the hell we’re going to come up with 6 million dollars to cover their asses with without getting ours beat in the process.”


	2. I Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens?  
> I'm so shit at summaries.  
> Just read it LOL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help but upload this as well today. The next posts will be one chapter daily but consider this a thank you to all of those that read and comment and leave kudos and honestly just anyone who supports my writing. Thank you from my heart.

_Friday, 11:49 PM_

Laura woke up with Carmilla next to her, glasses on, as she wrote down on a paper filled with hundreds of equations. She sat up with a stretch and leaned to look at what the brunette was writing.

“Feeling energized?”

She felt a blush rise to her face, “What time is it?”

“Almost midnight. You fell asleep trying to remember what year Gilgamesh was written.”

“Why the hell was I talking about that?”, she mumbled herself with a yawn before looking around. “Did Noah’s mom pick him up?”

“No, he’s staying the night here. She got called in at the hospital for an overnight shift.”

“Hmm...well I don’t want to intrude. I should probably head home now.”

“You’re not intruding,” She said slowly as she looked through her equations and began typing something in on her calculator.

Laura wasn’t sure what to say so she stood up, not quite sure where she was going.

“Do you want me to drive you back to the school to pick up your car?”

“No...no I can call a cab. It’s fine, thank you for offering.”

“Whatever you say, cupcake.”

At no point did Carmilla look away from her work which Laura was thankful for as she was taken aback by the nickname. Hours before she was terrified of the mathematician but now she saw her as kind of...cute? The way she was so focused on her work, occasionally lifting her glasses, made Laura smile. The woman she once viewed as emotionless had seemed to become a totally different person over the hours. This meeting seemed to go the complete opposite way that she expected it to.

As she gathered her things, she was stopped by a quiet voice coming from a corner of the house.

“Carmie?”

She turned around to see Carmilla pushing her glasses onto the top of her head and looking up from her work, “Hey bud are you alright?”

The brunette wrapped her arms around the child as he cuddled into her chest with his blanket in one hand.

“It’s dark in there. I got scared...is my mommy coming to pick me up?”

“Tomorrow, bud. She had to go back to work.”

“She’s always at work,” he pouted.

Carmilla instantly lifted him up and swung him over her hip. “She has to go to work so she can money, sweetheart. If she didn’t make money how would she afford her super cool cannon that sends all of your letters to Santa to the north pole for him to read?”

Noah seemed convinced as he smiled and wrapped his arms around Carmilla’s neck, “Do you have a cannon?”

“No way! They only give cannons to mommies of really good little boys,” She winked at him as he gasped with glee.

Laura couldn’t help but watch the interaction with a smile on her face. This was the Carmilla that she could get to know.

“Do you wanna go for a ride? We can stop for some ice cream.”

“Ice cream!”

Carmilla smiled before turning to Laura, “Did you call your cab yet?”

“Not yet,” Laura answered quieter than she wanted to.

“Don’t call it. I’ll take you to the school.”

“You don’t have t-”

“I’m already heading that way. It’s fine.”

Without waiting for her response, Carmilla headed out of the house to put Noah in his carseat. Laura hurried behind not being able to help the smile that came to her face.

-

_Saturday, 9:32 AM_

“So how was the meeting with Morticia?”

LaFontaine smirked at Laura over their cup of coffee, earning an eye roll.

“She’s honestly not even that bad.”

“Really? Last time I checked you were calling me stressed about how awkward and tense she was.”

“Hey I never said she was tense!”

“It was implied.”

“Look,” Laura sighed, “I know what I said but that was before she showed the other side of her. I know it sounds crazy but she’s honestly not anything like how she portrays herself.”

“Wow, she’s good at math and a shapeshifter. Maybe she should join the Science department.”

Laura took a sip of her hot chocolate before narrowing her eyes, “That reminds me. How the hell did you go through 6 million dollars in one semester.”

“Did you not hear the part about the explosion or were you too busy fantasizing about Karnstein.”

The heat rose to Laura’s cheeks, “I was not fantasizing about her! Infact, I was still terrified of her when you mentioned it in the first place.”

“Mhm,” LaFontaine smirked, “Whatever you say crushes-on-teachers.”

“I do not have a crush on her! I just kind of admire her confidence...and it’s also super cool that she can be a totally nice person when she wants to be and-”

“What were you saying about not having a crush on her?”

Laura groaned, leaning her head back against the chair - making a mental note to not tell LaFontaine anything ever again.

 

**Carmilla**

_11:34 AM_

“Alright bud, chocolate chips or sprinkles?”

“Why not chocolate chips _and_ sprinkles?”

Carmilla waved her spatula at the child with a smile, “I’ve taught you well.”

He tried his best to climb onto the stool in the kitchen before Carmilla helped him up with a smile. “One day you’ll be big enough, huh?”

“I already grew a lot! I’m going to be as tall as you soon!”

“No way, munchkin.”

He pouted, “Well I am going to be as tall as your friend!”

Carmilla paused at the thought of Laura. She hadn’t expected him to remember her as he was barely awake for the time that she was there.

“She is pretty small, huh?”

“Really small like this small,” He pushed his index finger and his thumb close together before holding them up at her.

She laughed as she slid a couple miniature pancakes onto his plate and handed him the syrup. “Try not to drown them this time buddy.”

“I’ll be careful I promise,” He held the bottle as best as he could, sticking his tongue out as he tried to focus.

Carmilla couldn’t help but shake her head in amusement before entering the living room and gathering her notes from last night, now with Laura on her mind. She wasn’t sure whether it was too soon to ask her to work on the budget some more or just wait until Monday morning came. _God if mother could see me now, she would practically bite my head off for being this unsure._ One thing her mother had always hated was her inability to be sure of her actions so by the time she was an adult, it was hard for her to get out of the habit of making decisions without consulting others. She just did things as she pleased because if there was anything her mother hated more than hesitation it was waiting for approval. _Do as you please before nothing is done at all,_ mother used to always say. She decided that once Noah’s mother came to pick him up she would call and invite her to work on the budget some more.

-

“Thank you so much for letting him stay here overnight. There was a gas leak at a hotel and we had to do checkups on all of the residents to make sure none of them were harmed.”

Carmilla smiled at Noah’s mother, “It’s no problem at all. We had fun right, bud?” She referred to the child wrapped in his mother’s arms.

He nodded excitedly, “Carmie told me all about the cannon you have to send Santa my letters. If that’s what makes you work all the time then I don’t mind.”

Carmilla grinned sheepishly at Noah’s mother who had a sad smile on her face before turning to her mouthing a _thank you_ before heading off to her car.

Shutting the door behind her, Carmilla grabbed a beer and sat down at the couch to go over her notes one last time before looking through the phone book for Laura’s number.

“Hello?”

“Hey it’s Carmilla...Karnstein?”

There was a slight giggle on Laura’s side of the phone, “There aren’t too many other Carmilla’s around.”

“Right...So um are you busy today?”

“Not necessarily, why?”

“Well I think I’ve figured out some of the logistics with this whole budget situation.”

“Great! Did you want to meet somewhere?”

“Um...you could come over here again if you wanted...I mean if that’s okay with you.” _Mother would not have approved of that at all._

“Sure, could you send me your address? I can call a cab when I’m finished my volunteer work at the library.”

_Of course she did volunteer work. Of course she did._

“When will that be over?”

“Um...Twenty minutes?”

“Text me when you’re ready. I’ll pick you up.” _There. Mother would’ve liked that much better._

“Alright...I’ll let you know.”

They said their goodbyes and hung up as Carmilla threw herself back against the couch. Since when had she been passive about anything? What was this woman turning her into?

-

“I promise you the day you turn 16 I will hand this book over to you myself but your mother made me sign a form saying that you couldn’t check out anything from this section until you were old enough.”

“There shouldn’t be an age requirement for sexuality books,” The young girl pouted.

“I agree with you completely but it’s your mother’s orders and I can’t defy that,” She leaned closer to the girl over the counter, “However; she never said anything about reading them while you’re here.”

The girl smiled at her graciously, “Thank you, Laura.”

“Of course, now hurry home before your mother files another missing persons report.”

They both laughed as the girl left the library, Laura sighing and logging out of the computer. Her service hours were up and she sent a quick text to Carmilla letting her know that she was ready to be picked up.

The fact that she was even had Carmilla’s phone number was enough to send a chill down her spine. The woman that had intimidated her for so long now was an actual sweetheart behind closed doors and honestly it sent a feeling of warmth down Laura’s spine, knowing that she was one of the few people that actually got to witness that side of her. She didn’t tell anyone of this discovery because she knew that no one would believe her - hell, if she had not been the one to witness it she might not have believed it either. There was also the part of her that kind of wanted to keep it her own little secret but she pushed that thought to the back of her mind where she also hid LaFontaine’s comments of her alleged ‘crush’.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a vibration in her pocket, revealing a text from Carmilla telling her to come outside. She swung her knapsack over her shoulder and headed out to the car that she recognized from yesterday. When she got in, Carmilla didn’t even so much as glance at her leaving Laura a bit disappointed. They rode in silence for a bit until she felt too awkward to keep it that way.

“Thank you for picking me up.”

“It’s whatever.”

_Wow, doesn’t she just have a way with her words._

Laura mentally rolled her eyes and tried again, “How late were you out with Noah?”

A small smile settled on Carmilla’s face and the smaller woman couldn’t help but take a deep breath. This was how to get her guard down.

“Not long after I dropped you off. He ended up falling asleep as he was eating his ice cream.”

“He’s precious,” Laura beamed. “I see why he makes you so happy.”

The smile slowly left Carmilla’s face and her gaze was intense on the road in front of her. _Shit, wrong thing to say._

“I just mean that you seem so much more relaxed when he’s around,” Laura tried to fix as she watched the brunette to see no change in emotion. _Okay, so not that either_. “You would really think that as an English teacher I would know where to put the period with my sentences but clearly that is not the case here because you intimidate me so much and I don’t know if you hate me or what but I’m really sorry if I did or said the wrong thing because I genuinely didn’t mean to-”

“I don’t hate you,” Carmilla mumbled without moving her focus.

Laura took a deep breath of relief, “Oh thank the heavens.” She turned her body under her seatbelt to the look at the woman driving better, “But if you don’t hate me then why do you seem so annoyed around me. You never seem like you want to talk to me.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes as they pulled into her driveway, “Your perception of me being annoyed comes from my lack of conversation?”

“Well yeah. You talk to Noah a lot.”

“I know Noah,” she removed her seatbelt and got out of the car, shutting the door lightly behind her as she approached the door and walked inside.

“You should really lock your doors,” Laura mumbled and followed her into the building. “But you know you could get to know me if you maybe talked to me.”

“I know a lot more about you than you think.”

“Like?”

Carmilla went to the kitchen to grab a beer and a grape soda that she handed to Laura before sitting on the couch. Laura sat down next to her closer than intended again but she wouldn’t dare move away.

“I know that you’re an only child. I know that your father lives in a cabin in the mountains and that he makes you call him at least twice a month and sends you bear spray in the mail. I know that you have never left the country. I know that you came straight into teaching after university and I know that your professor wronged you on an essay and that you refuse to let it go. I know that you practically live off of sweets and surprisingly don’t have any bodily complications. So trust me, I have gotten to know you very well.”

Laura’s eyes widened as Carmilla spoke. How the hell did she know all of these things about her if they had never even spoken until they were hit with the budgets?

“Relax,” Carmilla expressed as she rolled her eyes, “I’m not like some stalker, you just talk a lot.” _and I listen_.

The last part of that statement went unsaid but it wasn’t hard to decipher at all. Laura may talk a lot but Carmilla was the one listening.

“Well...well that still doesn’t tell me anything about you. I literally know nothing about you!”

“Not true, cupcake.” _Cupcake? The nickname was new but surprisingly to both of them didn’t feel foreign._ “You know a lot more about me than you think.”

“Such as?”

Carmilla shook her head reaching for her laptop with a smirk, “That’s for you to figure out, sweetheart. I can’t give away all of my secrets now, otherwise I’ll lose my air of mystery.”

Laura, for one of the first times in her life, wasn’t sure what to say. Carmilla’s tone sounded an awful lot like flirting and it was enough to make a chill run down her spine. But she refused to let this woman get under her skin and was now determined to figure out as much as she could.

Two could play this game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chat with me on tumblr:  
> karmacarmilla.tumblr.com


	3. Belief in Possibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some good old fluff.  
> Enjoy it while it lasts.  
> -Evil Laugh-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is literally 2:00 in Avignon so technically this still sticks to my daily post deal. Happy reading.

“Okay so let us go over this again.”

Laura adjusted the stack of papers in her hands as Carmilla put her pen down to listen. They had been working at this budget for hours and had finally gotten things to be presentable enough to possibly bring to the superintendent. Carmilla’s fearlessness had her slightly irritated with the fact that Laura wanted to make notes and everything presentable when it would have been much easier to just show up and tell her what they were going to do. Something in her though just made her not even think twice about pushing the idea. If Laura wanted to make everything organized and neat then that’s just how it was going to go.

“In reference to the recent fluke within the Science department, there have been some changes in budgets and rearrangement of finances within other departments. As head of the Mathematics and English departments, we have decided to take small portions of our savings and transfer them to the Sciences.”

Laura continued on with the small speech she had prepared filled with Carmilla’s numbers and statistics before turning to look at the woman across from her.

“How was it?”, She questioned as she finished.

Carmilla shrugged, “Presentable. Formal. Nice job, Hollis.”

Laura smiled, placing the papers down on the table, “Thank you. Now how are we going to get the superintendent to come back.”

“I’ll call her.”, Carmilla replied as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

“Call her? How in the world did you get her phone number?”

“She’s my mother, cupcake. Don’t you have your mother’s phone number?”

Laura’s eyes widened, not even being able to dwell on Carmilla’s last part of the statement. The superintendent was Carmilla’s mother. So much made sense while so much more did not and Laura was having a whirlwind of emotions.  _ I have a crush on the superintendent’s daughter _ . The thought ran through her head quicker than she could process and it instantly choked her up. Literally.

This time Carmilla’s eyes were the ones to widen as she handed the smaller woman the beer in her hand. Laura took a sip before spitting it back out, earning a glare from Carmilla.

“My house is a mess already, I don’t need you adding to it.” She tried again, reaching for Laura’s usual soda and handed it to her.

Laura took a gracious sip before releasing a breath, “ _ Shit _ I’m really sorry.” She took another sip before placing the can back on the table, “That just really took me by surprise.”

“Really? I thought it was that you were finally realizing how good looking I am,” Carmilla replied with a smirk.

A blush rose to Laura’s face as she looked around. Was Noah hiding or was Carmilla just genuinely being nice to her - and a flirt at that. Unsure what to say, the smaller woman rolled her eyes playfully as she nudged the brunette with her foot.

Carmilla tried to wipe the smile off of her face but Laura had caught it and it gave her a burst of confidence that she wasn’t sure she needed but definitely was not complaining about. It seemed like every time she was with Carmilla there was always something new sprouting within her.

-

Carmilla wasn’t sure how it had happened but somehow Laura had convinced her to try out this new cupcake place on the other side of town in celebration of their budget completion. They had been working on the fine details for almost a week now and unintentionally grew closer each day, emailing each other during the day and occasionally meeting up after school.  As they waited for their customized cakes, they sat at a booth towards the back of the establishment.

“I promise you’ll love it. This place never seems to disappoint.”

“I hope so otherwise I’ll have to stop calling you cupcake and start calling you liar.”

Laura rolled her eyes behind the cup of hot cocoa that she ordered before taking a sip and setting it back down on the table. “Why do you call me that anyway?”

“What? Cupcake?” She waited for Laura to nod. “I don’t know. Do you mind?”

“No I actually kind of like it.” She blushed slightly, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “It kind of makes me feel like...special? I guess that’s the word.”

“You would think as an English major you would have a better vocabulary.”

“Hey!”

“Only teasing, cupcake.”’

“See!”, Laura exclaimed quieter than Carmilla could tell she wanted to. “A week ago you wouldn’t dare tease me.”

Carmilla couldn’t help but roll her eyes. Was this woman really that oblivious? 

“I’ve been teasing you since you first started working at the school. It’s not my fault you just took it as me being mean.”

“Well how was I supposed to know that? 

You’re not very good at the whole facial expressions thing,” Laura pointed out matter-of-factly.

“English teachers are all about inferences. You should have made some.”

“And then what? There’s no way I would have talked to you before the budgets. You use to scare the shit out of me.”

“Do I scare you now?”, Carmilla smirked as she leaned forward on the table.

“Nope,” Laura leaned forward as well.”You’re a total sweetheart.”

Carmilla leaned back in her seat, rolling her eyes. “Please, I might be nice to you now but the word sweet in reference to me is a complete joke.”

“I don’t think so,” Laura refused to look away from her, “I think you’re completely sweet. The way you are with Noah and the fact that you drove out of town just to try this cupcake place I’ve told you about is amazingly sweet. Just face it, Carm. You’ve got a warm heart.”

Carmilla’s heart skipped a beat at the nickname. That was definitely new but she couldn’t say that she minded. 

“If you tell anyone, I’ll expose your secret cookie stash in the lounge to everyone in the science department and have them do tests on it.”

Laura let out a gasp, “You wouldn’t dare!”

“Oh yes I would so let’s keep this whole  _ sweet _ thing to ourselves, yeah?”

As she finished her sentence, their number was called and she went to retrieve the cupcakes. When she returned, placing the cupcakes down on the table Laura’s eyes instantly lit up. Carmilla would be lying to herself if she said that it wasn’t cute but decided to not even address that fact, sitting back down.

“Which one did you get?”, Laura asked as she eyed Carmilla’s cupcake.

“A black forest something or other. It’s red velvet with raspberry or something I can’t remember.”

“Sounds a lot like your personality,” Laura teased. “Dark but sweet.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes but to her own surprise (though this seemed to be common around Laura) was not actually annoyed, “I thought we were moving past the whole sweet thing. Anyway, what did you get?”

“Caramel s’mores!”, She exclaimed excitedly as she dug into her cupcake.

The brunette couldn’t help but watch her for a while as Laura ate happily before trying her own cupcake. She couldn’t deny that it was amazing. In fact, it was probably the best cupcake she had ever tried in her entire life but she wouldn’t give Laura the satisfaction of being right. At least not yet.

“Do you like it?”

Laura’s hopeful eyes were enough to turn that plan around with the quickness.

“I love it.”, Carmilla could not help but smile back as the lighter haired woman nodded happily and continued to eat her cupcake.

_ What are you doing to me, Hollis? _

-

The last time the two had seen each other was on their date to the cupcake shop. Was it even safe to call it that? Calling it a get together sounded a little too casual for the amount of flirting that went on but then again it wasn’t like they had planned it out or done anything remotely suggestive. The word ‘date’ lingered in Laura’s mind throughout the entire rest of her weekend and only ceased when she had entered the school Monday morning. She noticed Carmilla in the parking lot and tried to catch up with her but her demeanor was less than inviting and honestly it kind of hurt. Had she done something wrong? The weekend seemed to have gone pretty well so what could have happened between now and then?

Laura continued on with her lesson as she had just introduced the students to a new book. One of their favorite things for her to do was to read the background aloud because she always had something witty or humorous to add and it seemed to make the novel a bit more enjoyable.

For the next couple of weeks they were to be reading ‘Antigone’. Laura was just as stoked about it as she had been when she was in high school (which she was not at all) but did her best not to discourage the students.

“So as a person who had to read this when I was the same age as you, I was not exactly thrilled to see it still on the required reading list. However, if it is still required there is probably a good reason why so I encourage you to help me solve this mystery by paying close attention to detail but not forgetting to enjoy it. I know it is not exactly the most interesting work. There are no action scenes or whatever weird things you guys are interested in these days,” She paused as they laughed quietly before continuing. “But there are some pretty crazy curses and betrayals going on. Besides, you all know how much I love strong female contenders like myself.” She actually couldn’t help but laugh at that one herself.

She continued by reading the background of the novel and assigning a deadline. By curriculum she was supposed to provide reading notes and required pages for each night but she felt that took the whole fun out of reading and decided against it. All that was important was they understood and were able to reflect. If they could do that, then she could sleep well knowing that she was able to encourage her students.

The rest of the class consisted of her sitting at her desk sending emails as the class gained a head start on their reading. Once the bell rang, she followed the last student out with her bagged lunch in her hand. When she entered the lounge she looked around in hopes of seeing Carmilla but it was just her and LaFontaine there so far.

“Hey L. Looking for someone?”

Laura shook her head, plastering a smile on her face, as she sat down at the table with the scientist. “I was looking for you.”

She hated lying to her friend but there was no way she was about to admit that she was looking for Carmilla. If the other woman wanted to act like they didn’t know each other when they were in school then that’s how it would be. It was disappointing but it wasn’t exactly surprising. Carmilla had a persona she kept at the school and it was understandable that she was not about to let that drop just because Laura wanted her to.

“Well you found me. Speaking of, I’m glad you did because boy do I have some hilarious lab experiment stories to tell you.”

Laura tried her best to listen to LaFontaine tell their story, humming and nodding at the right times, but couldn’t help but find herself distracted. Should she confront Carmilla? Maybe visit her in her classroom for lunch? Should she do anything? Maybe the mathematician just wanted to be alone for now. But was she really willing to accept that?

“Hey, Earth to Laura. Were you even listening?”

Laura smiled apologetically, earning a sigh from LaFontaine. “I’m sorry, LaF I just have a lot on my mind at the moment.”

“It wouldn’t happen to be your broody mathematics lover, would it?”

Laura choked on her sandwich at the scientist’s accusation.  _ People have got to stop dropping things on me mid-consumption _ . “What are you talking about?”

“Oh please, Laura. Everyone knows you and Morticia Addams have a thing going on.”

“A thing?”, Laura questioned dumbfounded. “What type of thing are you suggesting?”

“I said the word lover didn’t I?”, LaFontaine smirked as Laura grew angry.

The people in this building had no right to make accusations and dive into her personal life like that. There was not a  _ thing _ going on between Carmilla and her but even if there was, it was not their place to talk about it.She had been nothing but nice to those people and now they betray her with some office gossip.

“She’s not my  _ lover _ ,” Laura snapped causing the scientist to drop their smirk and lean backward, “I don’t appreciate you and whoever else insinuating that she is either.” She grabbed her bag lunch and left the lounge before LaFontaine could say anything else.

No wonder Carmilla was avoiding her.

-

“Running late, cupcake?”

Laura slowed her speed but continued to walk as she recognized Carmilla’s voice behind her. They usually met up in the parking lot and went back to Carmilla’s place after picking up Noah but now that she knew that there was gossip the last place she wanted to be was anywhere near the brunette.

“Yeah you could say that,” She snapped back hearing Carmilla pause behind her. She stopped her feet as well and turned around, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped I’m just irritated.”

“About the rumors?”, Carmilla suggested and couldn’t help but laugh as Laura rolled her eyes. “Listen creampuff, there’s nothing to be irritated about. They’re just doing it because the idea of me actually interacting with anyone in this building is so foreign that they’re dying for more. They’re just as bad as some of the students that go here. You can’t let it get to you. I sure as hell don't.”

Laura sighed, loosening the grip on the bag she never realized she was clinging so tightly to. “You’re right I just..ugh I just hate gossip. We work with a bunch of teenagers, you think they would hear enough gossip to last them a lifetime and instead they’re making all of these accusations. How would any of them know my sexuality anyway? You can’t just go around assuming that because two women hang out they’re lovers. I mean I understand that it is 2016 and that we’re finally getting some equality here but you and I both know that there are some older teachers in there that despise the fact that we even have a GSA and I-”

Carmilla reached out for her hand, causing her to instantly shut her mouth. “Take a breath, sweetheart. You’re getting too worked up about this. Now, are you coming with me to go get Noah or what?” The brunette started to walk towards her car, knowing Laura would follow.

She couldn’t help but groan as she followed her, “This is exactly why we have rumors.”

-

“Laura!”

“Hey there, bud! How was your day?”

Noah and Laura had grown a lot closer as she was always with Carmilla when she came to pick him up. It was extremely refreshing to watch as Laura effortlessly communicated with the child and always seemed interested in what he had to say. Not that Carmilla minded having him around all the time but it was nice to have a small break here and there.

On the ride, Carmilla decided to stop by a fast food joint and pick up some food before heading back to her house. Noah had begged to eat in the car and just this one time she gave in just to see his smile as he dug through his bag and pulled out his toy as he ate. Laura sat quietly in the passenger seat and Carmilla couldn’t help but turn to look at her once or twice. One time Laura caught her and they gave each other a smile before turning back to face forward. It felt oddly intimate but she couldn’t find it in herself to necessarily mind. 

Once they reached her house, they all sat on the floor in front of the couch to watch Noah’s favorite movie as they ate. It was about some princesses and a talking snowman and was called  _ Freeze _ or something along those lines but she was struggling to pay attention. She was more focused on Laura who intently watched the movie with Noah in between her legs, occasionally passing her some french fries. The moment almost seemed family-like and sent a chill down Carmilla’s spine. Her entire life she had never experienced anything like this. As a child, the most family-like moment she ever had was before her father had passed and he had gotten sick before she was old enough to enter grade school. He used to always bring her to his office in the mornings before work so she could eat breakfast with him until mother came to get her and take her to her dreaded piano lessons. Watching Laura gently stroke Noah’s hair as he slowly curled into her, reminded her that if Laura ever had a child that she would never do anything so cruel. But the three of them sitting here was the most content she had felt in a long while and she refused to ruin the moment by letting the thoughts of her unhappy childhood flood her mind. So she didn’t.

By the time the movie was over, Noah was asleep in Laura’s lap with his head on her chest. Laura gave her a look before looking back down to Noah and leaning her cheek against his hair. If Carmilla could have she would have photographed the moment and hung it up right on the wall so she could never forget it. It was one of the most adorable things she had ever witnessed and she never wanted to let it leave her mind. She did her best to engrain the imagine in her brain before giving up and instinctively moving closer to Laura, wrapping her arm around the both of them. She wasn’t sure what made her do it and honestly thought about pulling away and apologizing before Laura lifted her head from Noah and leaned into her with a small smile forming on her face. Carmilla held tighter as Noah slightly stirred in Laura’s arms. 

She refused to let this go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short so another one is coming soon (-:


	4. Colour my Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An attachment forms, a label is given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two short chapters make up 1 long chapter, right?

Laura wasn’t sure what time she fell asleep but when she woke, Carmilla had her arm wrapped around her as she leaned against the couch. Noah was in front of them, on his stomach, coloring in some book Carmilla had bought him last week. She couldn’t help but smile at the sleeping brunette that was cuddled against her and honestly couldn’t even believe that she was cuddled up with her in the first place. Did this mean that her alleged crush (she still wasn’t ready to admit it yet) was mutual? Did this mean that maybe the rumors of them being lovers was true? Thinking about the rumors made her tense a bit so she decided to push that aside for now and just rest back into Carmilla.

Her rest was cut short as Noah noticed her awake and instantly crawled over to her.

“Laura-”

“Sshh,” She hushed him, bringing her finger to her mouth. “Carm is sleeping. We have to whisper, okay?”

“Okay,” he whispered with a giggle. “I’m hungry again. Can we have dinner? What time is my mommy coming?”

On account of just waking up, his questions were a bit too much for right now but she tried her best to process them. He was adorable but this was definitely not a perk of having a child around. Especially when she was trying to take advantage of cuddle time with Carmilla. Who knows when she could get this again?

“Um, I’m not sure about your mother but maybe I can help you find something delicious in one of those cabinets.” 

Reluctantly, she removed Carmilla’s arm from around her and stood up to lead Noah into the kitchen. As she looked through the cabinets, she couldn’t help feeling like she was crossing a boundary in some way. They were close now but this wasn’t her house and she wasn’t sure how Carmilla felt about people going through her things. She thought about asking her but one look at the brunette on the floor was enough to send that thought out of the window. 

She continued rummaging through the cabinets until she decided to move to the refrigerator.  _ This is such an invasion of privacy. _ Upon discovery of meatballs, she settled on making spaghetti as she remembered the box of pasta she noticed in the cupboard. As she got the ingredients a part of her couldn’t feel a little bit proud of herself. She was resourceful and now she was going to make dinner. If she didn’t know any better, she could almost say it felt like something she would do for her family. Laura couldn’t help but feel like a wife cooking for her wife and son after a long day. It was a strange thing to feel as her and Carmilla were just now becoming friends but she couldn’t help it. It felt right.

Hopefully Carmilla wouldn’t wake up until she was finished.

\--

The smell of tomato and herb was what woke Carmilla from her slumber. She opened her eyes slowly, disappointed that Laura was no longer in her arms, and lifted herself to follow the smell into the kitchen. Laura was helping Noah put the sauce on top of the pasta and it was enough to make Carmilla’s heart pound. This seemed to be a common thing around the smaller woman but she couldn’t find it within herself to mind. She watched quietly until Laura turned around with a smile on her face.

“Noah, look who it is.”

He turned around as well and carefully hopped off of the stool Laura had helped him onto. 

“Carmie! Me and Laura made dinner!”

Carmilla turned to Laura who winced at his grammar and couldn’t help but laugh. Noah reached up to her and she pulled him into her arms, “It smells delicious, bud.”

He tugged on her neck, leaning in to her ear, “Can we eat like a family?”

_There is_ _the word_. Carmilla tensed slightly before plastering a smile on her face. If even Noah was feeling it, that meant it was real. The feeling was there she just wondered if Laura felt it too.

“Of course, bud. Let’s set the table. You can be in charge of the napkins,” She placed Noah down as she grabbed the silverware from the drawer and handed him some napkins to place on the table while Laura followed them with the plates of spaghetti. Eventually the table had been set and everything was prepared to eat. The only thing was, neither Carmilla or Laura moved. Noah was adjusting himself in the booster seat Carmilla had set up for him in one of the chairs but as for them, they had no idea where to sit. She practically never sat in here, especially not with someone other than mother who seemed to be sure of everything. Noah looked up at them and Carmilla quickly sat down next to him, leaving Laura to sit on the other side of the table with an empty chair beside her. She knew it wasn’t a big deal but somehow she felt guilty for leaving her on the other side alone.

They ate quietly with Noah interjecting occasionally about how long his spaghetti noodles were but for the most part it was silent besides the sound of silverware connecting with the plates. It wasn’t uncomfortable but definitely was unusual compared to Laura’s constant vocal stream of thought and their typical banter back and forth. 

Carmilla was the first to finish her food, “So you’re an amazing cook.”

Laura smiled, lowering her head a bit. “You really like it? I know it’s not fancy and I probably should not have gone through your cabinets and stuff but I wanted to do something nice for you. Besides, Noah said he was hungry and-”

Ah. There was that ramble Carmilla had grown to know and love. 

“It’s amazing, Laura. You don’t have to explain. It’s completely fine and amazing. Thank you.”

The brunette watched as the smaller woman’s breath caught at the use of her given name and Carmilla decided to take note of that and use it sparingly.

Their small stare off was interrupted as Noah spoke up. “Carmie, can we have this again?”

Carmilla turned to the small boy that was now playing with his pasta, “What, dinner? We always eat dinner.”

“Not as a family. I like when we sit at the table and Laura lets me help.”

_ There was that family word again. _

“You’ll have to ask Laura that one, bud. It’s up to her.” She felt guilty for putting the pressure on Laura but it truly was up to her. Noah and her could eat dinner at the table all they wanted but he was asking to eat as a  _ family _ which included Laura.

The blonde shifted in her seat slightly, “I don’t see why not if it’s okay with you, Carm.”

_ And there was the nickname _ .

She shook her head with a smile, turning back to Noah. “Well then yes, we can eat dinner together.”

“As a family?”, He questioned hopefully.

Carmilla sighed realizing that he was going to make her say this outloud whether she liked it or not. “Yes, Noah. We can eat dinner together as a family.”

She might have felt uncomfortable as the words left her mouth but all of that discomfort disappeared when one of the most genuine smiles she had seen in a long time came to Noah’s face. Laura might be upset later but for that smile, it was worth it.

-

“So I’m sorry about the whole family thing.”

Carmilla had been driving Laura back to the school after Noah’s mother had come to pick him up. The ride was mostly silent as both of them were unsure of what to say. Laura felt like something had to be said but she wasn’t sure what so she was thankful that Carmilla beat her to it before she found herself in one of her embarrassing rambles.

“Don’t apologize. It was...sweet.”

“You like that word a lot, huh?”, Carmilla teased causing a blush to come to Laura’s face.

“Well it just seems like everything is sweet when it comes to you,” She mumbled unsure about whether she wanted the brunette to hear her or not.

The ride was quiet again for a moment and Laura assumed the other woman had not heard her until they pulled up next to her own car and Carmilla had not unlocked the door yet. 

“Thank you,” She practically whispered.

Again, no response. Instead Carmilla took off her seatbelt and leaned over, bringing their lips together. Laura was caught off guard before responding and finding her hands in the brunette’s loose curls. She tasted sweet like the red wine she thought about using in the pasta sauce. Maybe she couldn’t find it because Carmilla didn’t need it. The woman already tasted like it. 

When Carmilla pulled away, Laura couldn’t help but frown. She knew it could not last forever but it would not have hurt to try. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Carmilla groaning and leaning back against her own seat.

“I’m sorry...was that too much? I think I got kind of caught up with Noah and I’m-”

Laura cut her off, bringing her back into her seat and kissing her again. This time she was the one to pull away with a smile, unlocking her door herself and grabbing her bag.

“Goodnight, Carm.” She shut the car door behind her and entered her own vehicle.

She could have sworn she heard a faint ‘ _ Goodnight, Laura _ ’ before Carmilla pulled off into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Charlotte OC's song 'Colour my Heart' but is in no relation to the lyrics.
> 
> Chat with me on tumblr:  
> karmacarmilla.tumblr.com


	5. Sweeter Than Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A relationship develops further, good deeds are done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amount of feedback and positivity I have gotten for this fic is incredible and I am so thankful for each and everyone of you.

The rest of the week went by rather smoothly. Laura had continued to go home with Carmilla after school and eventually started getting picked up by her as well. She was not only thankful for the amount of money she was able to save on gas but the amount of time she got to spend with Carmilla and Noah. They truly were starting to feel like a family. Though their kisses were becoming a much more frequent thing after that night in the car, they still were not officially in a relationship and as much as Laura wanted to be she also was willing to wait. All she wanted was to be around Carmilla, title or not. 

The rest of the office started to become suspicious but she honestly couldn’t blame them as even she was shocked to see Carmilla enter the teacher’s lounge and sit next to her. LaFontaine raised their eyebrows and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes. This was not the time.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Carmilla repeated as she pushed a strand of Laura’s hair behind her ear. “What’s for lunch?”

Laura opened her new lunch box that she had paid for with some of the funds that would have usually be spent on gas, and handed the brunette a sandwich. She always packed double with the fear that someone would maybe forget their lunch or that a student had forgotten their lunch money.

Carmilla bit into the sandwich with a smile. It was a peanut butter and jelly that she had made this morning as she packed Noah’s lunch. His mother had to work late again and Laura ended up spending the night in Carmilla’s bed with him while the mathematician slept on the couch, staying up late to work on a few things for today’s lesson. Laura did her best to pack the child a healthy lunch but couldn’t help sneaking a cookie into the bottom of his lunch box.

She pulled out her own sandwich, digging in as well as some of the other teachers in the lounge watched them. It was truly aggravating but she couldn’t find it within her nice nature to lash out so she tried to focus back on her food. However, she wasn’t too successful with that plan as Carmilla spoke up harshly.

“Is there something to see here? I want to know what’s so interesting.”

All of the teachers, except LaFontaine, instantly turned around and started mingling with each other. The scientist, however, was in no way intimidated by Carmilla and smirked.

“Not to burst your bubble of anonymity here, Lydia, but you and Beetlejuice over here are kind of the least likely people to be seen together so excuse us if we’re a little confused.”

“You can be confused without staring,” Carmilla deadpanned as she continued to eat her sandwich. When she finished she stood and placed a kiss on Laura’s cheek, “I need to get going. See you later?”

Laura couldn’t help but smile at the question, “Of course.”

They said their goodbyes as Carmilla walked away and she noticed the teachers that tried to sneak some peeks as she left. She couldn’t even find it within herself to be mad as she was in complete and utter bliss. 

Carmilla cared about her enough that she didn’t care if anyone else knew it. 

Carmilla thought highly enough of her that she was willing to display her affection.

That was the moment she realized.

_ Carmilla wants me as much as I want her. _

-

“Hey, Hollis. Long time no see, huh?”

Laura looked up from her computer where she was sending a final email to the rest of the department about the change they were making in one of their schedules. Now that the budgets had been adjusted they had to change where they had planned to go on a field trip for something less expensive.

It was not that she didn’t want to see Danny standing there it was just that she knew she had to hurry up and get to the car so that they wouldn’t be late picking Noah up.

“Um, hey Danny. How are you?”, She forced a weak smile on her face as she tried to hurry with her email.

“I’m great now that I am talking to you. I was just coming to see if you were going to help out with the rally?”

Laura shut her laptop as she finished with the email and shoved it into her bag, “Oh that sounds great honestly but I really need to get going.”

“You know I came by a couple times after school and you haven’t been here. Is everything okay?”

Of course things were. Honestly everything was more than okay at the moment but she wouldn’t dare express that to the coach standing in front of her. 

“Why wouldn’t they be?”, She grabbed her key and passively forced Danny out of the classroom to lock the door behind her.

“Well it’s just that I heard some rumor about you and Karnstein. I know you guys settled the budget things a couple weeks ago so I was making sure that she wasn’t...I don’t know.”

Laura raised her eyebrow, slightly irritated. “Making sure that she wasn’t what?”

“Hurting you, I guess.”

“Hurting me?”

Her tone of voice caused Danny to step back but she genuinely couldn’t find it within herself to care.

“It’s just that...she’s bad news okay, Laura. I just don’t want her to hurt you.”

“I can handle myself,” Laura snapped. “You know nothing about her and you know nothing about me so why don’t you let me decide who I can and cannot be around. God, you're like a fucking dad.” 

Without a passing glance, she stormed off to Carmilla’s car. When she entered, she leaned over in the seat and forcefully brought the brunette’s lips to her own. 

Carmilla pulled away, her eyebrow raised, “Not that I don’t love your kisses but are you okay? I’ve never seen you so mad at my lips before.”

Laura sighed and let her head fall back onto the headrest of the seat, “I’m starting to see why everyone is so miserable. Once the honeymoon phase of this job wears down, the reality of the fact that some of these teachers are major assholes and just as childish as some of the students catches up to you.”

Carmilla hummed in agreement as she pulled out of the parking lot. Laura continued on her rant until the anger had subsided. 

They rode around quietly until Carmilla spoke up, “Noah’s mother called to tell me that she was sent home early and that she took Noah home from daycare.” The car pulled to a familiar stop sign with no one behind them. “Did you just want me to drop you off at your house?”

Laura raised her eyebrow and shook her head so Carmilla turned towards her house instead.

“Why would you think I would want to go home just because Noah isn’t going to be at your place?”

“I don’t know,” Carmilla mumbled insecurely. “I just figured that maybe you always came with me because you like to be around him.”

“I do,” Laura mused to Carmilla’s disappointment but instantly followed up with a comment that left Carmilla smiling for the rest of the ride. 

_ I like to be around him but I love to be around you. _

-

Upon arrival at Carmilla’s home, they began working on tomorrow’s lessons and their grading. Laura’s head was in Carmilla’s lap with her laptop on her stomach while the brunette was hovering over her with a red pen and student’s papers. They worked like that for a little over an hour until Laura’s stomach growled.

“You should probably feed that,” Carmilla mentioned in reference to Laura’s stomach as she continued working.

“Ha ha,” Laura rolled her eyes, “Why don’t you feed me and I’ll worry about my stomach’s responses.”

Carmilla put her pen and paper down, giving Laura a look. “What about me gives you any idea that I know how to cook a meal. You know there’s a reason that I always ate fast food when we met.”

“That can’t be good for your arteries,” Laura warned as she removed the laptop and sat up with her legs crossed.

“Your little cookie addiction cannot be great for your body either but you don’t see me calling you out.” Carmilla moved forward, bringing the smaller woman into her lap as their lips met in a chaste kiss.

When they pulled away, their foreheads remained touching and Carmilla took advantage of the close proximity to observe all of the colors that made up the smaller woman’s eyes. They were just as beautiful as the mathematician expected and she couldn't help but lean back in.

This kiss was filled with more passion. Laura parted her lips slightly and Carmilla used that advantage to take the blonde’s lip between her teeth. Neither of them were expecting the quiet sound that left Laura’s mouth but they also weren’t complaining. As she fisted her hands into the taller woman’s hair, Laura leaned forward to push them back slightly - only to be interrupted by a growl.

Carmilla pulled away, not releasing Laura’s waist, raising her eyebrow “You should really do something about that.”

The English teacher groaned, moving herself out of the other woman’s arms. “I don’t want to cook again.”

Carmilla sat up straight, “What if I have a better idea?”

“If it doesn't involve me cooking anything then the answer is yes.”

The brunette raised her eyebrow at the smaller woman who had her eyes closed as she ran her hand over his stomach.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Okay then, come on. I’m taking you home.”

Laura opened her eyes quickly, “What?”

“Would you rather go through my closet?”

“For what?”

Carmilla smirked as she stood, “I’m taking you on a date, cutie.”

-

Laura’s eyes widened the second Carmilla opened the door to the restaurant. She had never seen somewhere so fancy in her entire life and as an English teacher she was fortunate enough to visit some of the wonders of the world. 

The way her date looked definitely added to the beauty of it all. Carmilla had a nice white button down tucked into her leather pants and topped it off with a nice blazer. She honestly felt underdressed in her simple dress compared to her but Carmilla was quick to change that with her constant compliments.

They were seated and the waiter poured a rich wine into each of their glasses. There were so many emotions going through her head but uncharacteristically she was unsure of what to say.

“You look beautiful,” Carmilla hummed before taking a sip of her drink.

Laura could not help but tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear nervously, “You said that already.”

“It is still true.”

They sat quietly, taking in their surroundings, before the waiter came back and Carmilla ordered for them. 

Laura was honestly nervous and that was a rare thing for her, especially now that her and Carmilla had become so comfortable. It was just that she couldn't help but add things up in her head as if she was the mathematician.  _ How much does that chandelier cost? How loaded are the other people that are here? These people could probably take my yearly salary and spend it on a yacht without it even making a dent in their wallets.  _

She knew it was rude but she had to ask, “Carm, how the hell could you afford to bring me here?”

The other woman shifted in her seat, “Don’t worry, cupcake. It just looks fancier than it actually is.”

Laura narrowed her eyes, “You just ordered me a fifty dollar plate.”

“Sweetheart, relax. I have a savings for things like this. I promise I would not have brought you here if I could not afford it. Just enjoy yourself.” She reached across to take Laura’s hand, the blonde now calming down.

She decided Carmilla was right and honestly felt a bit guilty. She hated when people questioned her and her decisions yet she was doing the same to her date. Laura decided to push those thoughts away and just enjoy the atmosphere for the rest of the night.

Once they finished their meal, Carmilla took her hand and led her outside where they strolled down the avenue. The temperature had dropped slightly but it was not cold enough to be uncomfortable, though they did find themselves huddling closer to each other as they walked. “Thank you, Carm.”

The taller woman leaned down to place a kiss on top of her head as they continued on. 

“You don’t need to thank me, cupcake. I want to treat you to these kinds of things.”

Laura couldn’t help but think about the fact that she had never been treated to anything before. At least not like this. Sure she had been on dates before but nothing came even remotely close to this. She couldn’t help but find it kind of humorous how Carmilla wasn’t even her girlfriend but treated her better than any of her exes.

“I could be.” Carmilla’s words caught her off guard.

_ Had she said that outloud? _

“Could be what?”, Laura had a feeling that she knew the answer but refused to jump to any conclusions.

“Your girlfriend..if you want.”

“Do you want to be?”

“If you want me to be.”

The women couldn’t help but laugh at the interaction. They were worse than some of the students they taught in this aspect.

“Why don’t you ask me?”

Carmilla rolled her eyes playfully as she turned Laura so that they were facing each other. “Laura, will you be my girlfriend?”

The smaller woman stood on her toes to bring her lips to her girlfriend’s.  _ God, that word is amazing. _

“I guess, since you’re begging me.” Laura winked as she pushed back down to flat feet and continued walking.

“You’re killing me, Hollis.”

-

Carmilla stood at the copier waiting for the papers for her next class to come out. As she waited she couldn’t help but overhear some other teachers as they punched holes in stacks of papers.

_ “It’s such a shame we can’t go on the field trip. Hollis was trying so hard to organize it.” _

_ “I know, I hope she’s not too upset about it. I’m sure the students just want to get out of school. I don’t think they care either way.” _

_ “You’re right about that. I just hope it does not kill her spirit. She’s the only one of us left who is not yet desperate for retirement.” _

The woman left the room laughing, with their papers in their hands. Carmilla couldn’t help but pause. What the hell were they talking about?

-

“I think a really important part of Antigone is that she did what she wanted because it felt right and it was what she wanted to do. I want you all to understand this point. There was nothing that anyone could say to set her apart from doing what she felt was right. She buried her brother because it was the right thing to do but betrayed herself in the end with a suicide. Don’t ever let someone take away from you what you feel is right and don’t ever apologize for doing what is right. That was Antigone’s true downfall. She betrayed herself as a result of a simple set back. Remember what I told you with our last novel - everything is temporary.”

Just as she finished her sentence, the bell rang and the students began to piling out of the room.

All except one.

“Ms. Hollis, are we still going on the field trip? My mother said she got an email about it but was not very clear about the changes.”

Laura sighed, “Well we are going on a field trip just not the one I had originally planned on us taking. I’ll talk more about that next class.”

“My mother said email her if there is anything she can do to help.”

“Tell her I said thank you. See you next class.”

As the student left the room, Carmilla entered. She shut the door behind her and sat down on Laura’s desk with a sigh.

“What’s wrong with you?”, Laura pushed a couple paper’s aside before joining her.

“People keep talking about this field trip thing. What’s going on? I thought we balanced the budgets.”

Laura sighed, shrugging her shoulders. “It just wasn’t enough for us to take the trip and get new hardback books. A lot of our novels need replacing and I just figured that was more important than a trip to see the ancient ruins.”

“Sweetheart, that would be the trip of a lifetime. Are you sure you can’t  just ask the system for a loan?”

Laura shook her head, “It’s not worth it. But it’s okay,” she tried her best to smile though she was truly disappointed. “We’re in the middle of planning a trip to see Antigone live.”

That would be nowhere near as interesting and both of them knew it but it went without saying. Laura was trying her best to make English enjoyable for the students but it seemed like things were constantly getting in her way of making that happen.“You know you’re doing a great job, right?”, Carmilla nudged the smaller woman with her foot.

“I hope so.”

“You  _ are _ .” Carmilla was more adamant this time and it brought a smile to Laura’s face. 

English and Math were on opposite sides of the spectrum and those in either field usually found no enjoyment or significance in the other. Girlfriend bias or not it was nice to hear.

They spend the rest of the planning period in Laura’s room eating the lunch she packed and enjoying each other’s company. It was Friday which meant there was no planning to be done and Laura had no more classes for the rest of the day. Carmilla had to go back to her classroom for her final class while Laura spent the rest of her time in her room on the phone with her father, filling him in on how things were going.

She felt guilty for not talking to him as much as she could have, especially now that he was alone, but she also knew that he would want her to spend time enjoying her adult years. He asked her the typical questions about how it was teaching but then he dropped a question that caught her off guard. 

_ “So when is the wedding?” _

Her breath caught in her chest momentarily, “What?”

“Oh come on, Laura. I know my daughter and I know when she is seeing someone. So who is it?”

“You don’t know them.” She tried her best to use a gender neutral pronoun but her father saw straight through that.

“You can just say her, pumpkin. I told you before that I don’t care who you love as long as they treat you right and I meant it. Now, is it that tall one that you were chatting with at your induction?”

Oh god, he was referring to Danny. “No it’s not her.”

“Good, she asked way too many questions.”

Laura could help but laugh as she remembered the first and only time her father had met Danny. The induction had concluded and everyone was mingling around the refreshments. Danny had asked her father entirely too many questions about her childhood and spoke way too highly of her since they had just met. Her father, as protective as he was, even found Danny to be rather suffocating. 

“It’s...well it’s Carmilla.”

“Who?”

“That math teacher that you said looked like a vampire?”

“Well she did. But her? I thought you said she was scary.”

“She was, but now she’s not. She’s really sweet and she treats me well. I really like her, Dad.”

He sighed on the other end, “If she treats you right then I guess I like her too but I’m still serving her garlic bread when I meet her.”

Laura couldn’t help but roll her eyes but she was glad that her father accepted her and Carmilla. She knew he was okay with her sexuality but something about talking to her father about it still felt slightly uncomfortable. They stayed on the line a little while longer until the bell rang, signaling the end of the school day. After saying their goodbyes, Laura grabbed her things and made her way to Carmilla’s car. 

“Hey, L. Wait up!”

Laura turned around to see LaFontaine hurrying over to her, nearly getting hit by a car in the process. They flipped the person off before making their way next to Laura.

“You’re going to get killed one of these days.”

“As long as it’s not today, I can live with that. Anyway, I just wanted to congratulate you.”

Laura raised her eyebrow, “On?”

“Getting the whole ancient ruins field trip back on! I don’t know how you did it but that trip is going to be awesome. Congratulations and I’m sorry for the whole explosion thing that almost made it impossible in the first place.” Before Laura could speak up, LaFontaine’s pile of papers began to fly away in the wind.  “Dammit, I really should get a folder or something to put these in. I’ll see you Monday.” They ran away shouting expletives at the runaway papers but Laura couldn’t help but still be confused.

How the hell was the field trip back on? She hadn’t even done anything. Maybe her student’s mother decided to help her out like she offered. Laura made a mental note to send a Thank You email when she got the chance.

“Hey there, cupcake. Ready to go?” Carmilla approached her as she unlocked the car door. 

They both entered and Laura couldn’t help the smile that came across her face. 

“You know we really have some amazing parents supporting us. One of my student’s mothers provided the funds for us to go on the original field trip!”

Carmilla kept her eyes on the road as she headed towards Noah’s daycare, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Well you deserve it, sweetheart.”

They rode the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Laura truly feel like she deserved something. She had worked so hard to make changes within that department and someone recognized that enough to help her out.

Maybe there truly was still good in this world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from "Drumming Song" by Florence + The Machine
> 
> Chat with me:  
> karmacarmilla.tumblr.com


	6. Falling down like dominoes, Hit by Family Jewels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where we all meet Carmilla's family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have said it before and I will say it again but the amount of amazing feedback and support I have gotten is incredible and I appreciate every single bit of it. It brightens my day to know that you all care enough to read and comment and enjoy on my works. It is such an honor as a fairly new author. Thank you all dearly.
> 
> Also thank you to Alice for helping edit this story and make it sound more like it was written by an English native (-:
> 
> SEE END NOTES FOR TRANSLATIONS

“Carmie, did you know that the sun is a star?”

“Did you know that the modern notation of a trigonometric function came from a guy called Leonhard Euler?”

“What?”

The trio lay on Carmilla’s bed, each working on something different. Noah was coloring at the foot of the bed while Carmilla sat grading quizzes at the head of the bed with Laura curled up against her, reading  a book she found on Carmilla’s shelf. Laura had complained twice already about how boring  _ Camus _ was but continued to read. Occasionally Noah would spew random facts he learned during the day and Carmilla would reply with a comment she knew he didn’t understand just to tease. Laura sat watching the exchange, barely reading anymore, with a smile on her face. Carmilla couldn’t help but smile like a dork as well. The family feeling rushed over her in a wave every time she experienced it and never seemed to dull.

“I’m finished!”, Noah held up his drawing and handed it to Laura.

She lifted her head to look at the picture and Carmilla couldn’t help but lean to try and see what she was looking at as Laura hadn’t made a comment yet. She was just staring at the paper with her eyes wide as Noah sat, waiting for her response.

“Cupcake?”

Laura didn’t even look up she just handed the paper over and Noah curled into her. Carmilla took a look at the sheet and instantly understood why Laura had nothing to say.  _ She _ had nothing to say. 

Noah had drawn a picture of him in between her and Laura, holding their hands, with the words ‘ _ My Family’ _  at the top. He had asked Laura how to spell ‘family’ but they hadn’t thought anything of it. They certainly weren’t expecting this.

“You don’t like it?”

Carmilla moved closer to Laura who had Noah wrapped up in her arms, cuddling into the both of them. 

“We love it, bud. It’s really nice and you did a very good job. But what about your mother? You didn’t put her in the picture.”

“I didn’t want her in it.”

This time Laura was the one to speak up. “Your mother loves you very much, Noah. She would be very sad to see that you didn’t put her your family picture.”

“She doesn’t love me like you do,” He mumbled into Laura’s chest.

The couple gave each other a look of sadness as they held onto each other. They did their best to reassure Noah that his mother did love him but it was practically no use. He clung to them and as dangerous as they knew it was, they clung just as tightly to him. They would deal with the repercussions when they came. 

-

When Noah’s mother came to pick him up, he was sound asleep and she carried him to the car quietly. Laura and Carmilla couldn’t help but watch from the doorway until she pulled off and they decided to head back in. They sat on the couch cuddled into each other for a while until Laura spoke up.

“What are we going to do?”

“What do you mean?”

She looked up at the brunette sadly, “Noah is getting too attached. This is dangerous and you and I both know that.”

Carmilla nodded slowly, “I know. But what can we do about it? We can’t just not bring him here after daycare.”

Laura shrugged and rest her head back on her girlfriend’s chest, “Maybe we should talk to his mother.”

“I don’t know how effective that would be. Betty is pretty moody sometimes and I think that would just make it worse.”

“Moody how?”

“I don’t know she’s just kind of...erratic I guess is the word. I figure it’s from working all of the long hours at the hospital and the last thing she needs to top that off is to find out that her son thinks she doesn’t love him.”

Laura nodded silently and decided not to dwell on the topic anymore. They would have to figure something out eventually but as for right now she just wanted to enjoy her girlfriend’s company.

The couple sat quietly for about an hour when Carmilla pulled her girlfriend up so they were eye to eye. 

“Do you know how beautiful you are? How just looking at you makes my heart pound against my chest? Do you know how beautiful your heart is? The warmth that radiates around you?”

Laura couldn’t help the blush that rushed to her face, “Where is this coming from?”

“I just keep thinking about how having you next to makes me focus on how to keep my heart from beating so fast. But you know, maybe I don’t want it to slow down. What good is a heart that doesn't beat?”

Laura laughed, moving into her girlfriend. “I’m no science major but I’m fairly certain that a non-beating heart is not very good.”

“Then I suppose you’ve got to help keep my heart pumping.”

She brought their lips together in a kiss that was filled with more passion than they knew they could express. Carmilla felt her heart race in the way it so commonly did when she was around Laura. She placed her hands on both sides of of the smaller woman’s face as they deepened the kiss. The familiar taste of milk chocolate found itself on the brunette’s tongue as she opened her mouth. She tentatively slid her tongue across her girlfriend’s lip, causing the other woman to take a shallow breath from the back of her throat. As Laura’s fingers toyed at the hem of her shirt, Carmilla couldn't help but smile and bring the smaller woman closer.

She definitely praised her beating heart.

-

“Carm, answer your phone before I throw it out of the window.”

Laura rolled over in the bed with a groan, clutching the bright yellow pillow she constantly seemed to keep leaving at her girlfriend’s house. Carmilla opened her eyes, taking a quick look at the woman in the bed beside her, before grabbing her phone off of the nightstand.

“Hello?”, She cleared her throat realizing her words came out raspier than intended.

“Good morning, darling.”

Carmilla instantly sat up, clutching the sheets to her bare chest. That was the last voice she wanted to hear when she woke up, especially after such an amazing night.

“Mother.”

She felt Laura shift in the bed but couldn’t find it in herself to redirect her attention. Her mother never called her. Ever. 

“Just calling to see how my dear daughter is doing. Are you taking care of yourself?”

“Yes ma’am.” 

“I am glad to hear that. You know your father and I’s anniversary is today?”

“I thought those didn’t count if your spouse is dead,” Carmilla spat but instantly regret her words. “I apologize ma’am, that was completely out of line.”

“Yes it was. If I could I would rip that precious trust fund right from your ungrateful hands. I expect you to make an appearance at our anniversary dinner. Look presentable, yes?”

Carmilla couldn’t help but roll her eyes at how her mother phrased a command as a question. It was just another way of her establishing her dominance.

“Yes ma’am.”

“You know what time we eat. Arrive on time or there will be consequences, my dear. Goodbye now.”

Her mother hung up and Carmilla handed her phone to Laura who looked up at her, confused.

“You can throw it out of the window now.”

The smaller woman sighed, placing the phone back on the nightstand. “Want to talk about it?”

Carmilla shook her head and layed back down to cuddle into her girlfriend. It sent a chill through her to feel the bare body under the sheets. Laura graciously complied, running her fingers up and down Carmilla’s forearm and until they found themselves falling back asleep.

-

“So this is what it’s like to be loaded,” Laura gushed as she admired her surroundings. 

Carmilla had explained what was going on and Laura was more than happy to come along with her to the dinner. When she agreed, however, it never occurred to her that Carmilla’s family was wealthy - especially since her girlfriend lived in an average sized house with nothing to indicate her wealth. Now that she thought about it though, maybe that’s how Carmilla was able to afford their crudely expensive first date. 

The brunette let her borrow one of her dresses and they arrived hand and hand, earning a couple of dirty looks from the guests that Carmilla simply brushed off. 

“So what happens when your mother recognizes me?”

That question had been running through her head all night and she finally decided to ask it. Was this even allowed? Would she lose her job? 

“Trust me, sweetheart. There are way more seemingly important people here as far as my mother is concerned. It will be a miracle if she even remembers your name by the time this night is over.”

She knew Carmilla was just trying to make her feel better but something about her girlfriend’s mother not even caring to know who she was made her feel a little more than insignificant - especially since her own father was already expecting to meet Carmilla. 

“So..you said something about your father being dead,” Laura winced as the words came out of her mouth. That wasn’t exactly how she wanted to break the ice. “I was just wondering why this is an anniversary dinner then.”

“The hell if I know,” Carmilla’s grip tightened on her girlfriend’s hand as she led her up the stairs. 

Upon entrance, Laura’s eyes widened at the room Carmilla had brought her too. She looked around to see a tidy, yet edgy, room. There was no doubt that this was her girlfriend’s old room before she moved out. She moved around the space, picking up little things here and there to look at them, as Carmilla sat on the bed and watched. It was as if she wanted to let her in on a part of her life but wasn’t sure how. Laura stopped at an ash tray and held it up with her eyebrow raised.

Carmilla couldn’t help but laugh quietly, “I used to have a pretty nasty habit in high school.”

Laura shuddered, placing it back down, before sitting next to the brunette. “You know, I always tell my students to take risks and to not let fear or differences hold them back from interacting with others. But after seeing your room and remembering how mine looked in high school, I can’t say I would have taken that risk.”

This time, Carmilla let out an honest laugh. It was full and completely different from her usual quiet laugh and made Laura laugh along.

“You know, cupcake. I don’t know if that’s completely true because if memory serves me correctly you were pretty scared of me when we first met anyway and now look at where we are.”

Laura smirked and leaned closer to her, “Where exactly would that be?”

“Well I-”, Just as Carmilla leaned closer, the door swung open and instantly made both of them jump back like school girls caught doing something wrong. 

“Was geht ab, Kitty. Who is your friend?”

Carmilla jumped up, and moved closer to the man. “Verpiss dich, Will!”

Laura’s eyes widened as the pair cursed back and forth at each other in what she suspected was German and wasn’t sure whether to break them up or not until they began to hug. The blonde was genuinely confused, which seemed to be a common thing when it came to Carmilla and her family, and sat waiting for an explanation as her girlfriend pulled the man into a headlock.

She began to ruff up his hair as she turned to look at Laura, “This is my pain in the ass of a brother, Will. You won’t see him much but when you do, expect the worst because he never just comes to visit in good nature.”

“Oh don’t give your  _ friend _ here such a bad impression of me,” He tried to squirm out of the headlock, “You’re a cute one, though. What could you want with my sister? Wait, are you blind?”

Carmilla gave her brother a jab in the side before tightening her grip around his neck, “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t choke you out right now.”

He rolled his eyes, “Oh please. You’re literally the queen of empty threats now go take your playdate downstairs for dinner so mother can scare her off.”

Carmilla let go and stuck her tongue out at him, taking Laura’s hand. “I’ll make sure to bring up your little run in with the Landespolizei while I’m at it.”

As they made their way down the stairs, they heard Will call from behind for Laura to be careful about Carmilla ‘playing dirty’. Laura had no words as she knew he was joking but there was so much going on that she wasn’t sure how to respond or react. She followed quickly behind the brunette that was practically dragging her through hallways and doors until they reached the dining room. It was flooded with masses of people that were finding their places at the table. Carmilla brought them to the seats reserved next to the superintendent for her children. Will’s seat was still empty but they she figured he would make it before her mother directed everyone to be seated so that they could be served.

Carmilla’s hand never disconnected from hers and occasionally squeezed in reassurance every time Laura grew nervous. Just as Carmilla’s mother reached for her glass and fork, Will slipped into his chair across from them with a smirk.

“Always testing the limits,” Carmilla mumbled as she gave her brother a dirty look.

The superintendent stood, bringing her fork to connect with the glass, and everyone instantly quieted down finding comfort in their seats.

“In memory of my dear husband I have brought in the finest chefs all the way from Germany. Everything that will be presented is carefully crafted and cooked to perfection. Our children will be served first and then menus will be provided for the rest of you.”

Just like that, plates were brought out to Will and Carmilla and menus were handed out to everyone else. 

Carmilla pushed her plate over to Laura with a smile, “Dig in, cupcake.”

“You don't have to do that. I’m perfectly fine waiting with everyone else.”

“Can you read German?”, The brunette raised her eyebrow and laughed when Laura shook her head. “That’s what I thought now dig in.”

Laura awkwardly lifted her fork and began taking small bites of the food as Carmilla ushered over one of the chefs and ordered a dish for herself that came out miraculously fast.

“Do you like it?”

Laura nodded happily as she began to eat more comfortably now that Carmilla had a plate of her own. Although the food was slightly...spicy? Maybe that wasn’t the right word but something was making her tongue burn and she wasn’t sure what it was.

“Are there peppers in this?”

“No,” Carmilla continued eating and teasing Will who apparently kept kicking her under the table. 

It was nice to see the brunette so relaxed and childlike. Laura had never seen her so carefree and refreshed. She tried her best to focus on it but could not get past the burning on her tongue that was now traveling to her throat. 

“Carm...Carm are you sure there's no spicy peppers in this?”

Carmilla turned her attention from her brother to focus on girl freaking out next to her. “Laura, there's no peppers. What’s wrong?”

The smaller woman took a generous gulp of her water and began to scratch at her neck. “Something is burning really bad.”

The brunette looked over her girlfriend, eyes widening at the red patch that was forming where she had been scratching. “Shit, Laura you're having an allergic reaction.”

Carmilla called out for a doctor and a couple of men rose to their feet, rushing over. She communicated with them about what was going on and they did their best to treat her. However; Laura couldn't focus on anything that was going on at the moment other than the look the superintendent was giving her. Her disapproving eyes stared in a fashion that seemed to be through her rather than at her and it was enough to send chills down Laura’s tiny spine.

She was so going to be fired after this.

-

“Cupcake, if you apologize one more time you’re walking home.”

After everything with Laura’s allergic reaction settled down, Carmilla insisted on taking her home so she could rest. Sure her mother was not entirely thrilled but as far as she was concerned, some lousy excuse for a dinner party nowhere near as important as get girlfriend’s health.

“I just...I hope I didn't ruin the dinner. Your mother seemed so angry.”

The brunette rolled her eyes, “You didn't ruin anything. My mother just doesn't like when things don't go her way. She will get over it, I’m just glad that you’re okay.”

She pulled the car into Laura’s driveway and gave her a quick kiss before watching the woman until she entered the house safely As she pulled out of the development, her phone began to ring. 

“Hello?”

“Carmilla. Can you watch Noah? I’m outside.”

“Um..I’m not home right now but I’m on my way. Is everything alright?”

There was a groan on the other side of the phone, “He won't stop crying for you and I really don't have time for this so can you watch him or what?”

Carmilla couldn't help but pause.’ _ Don't have time for this’ _ ? What the hell was wrong with her?

“I’ll be there shortly. Hang tight.”

The brunette did everything to not get pulled over as she sped home, seeing Noah and his mother sitting on the front step.

“Carmie!”

Carmilla lifted him as he reached for her, not even getting a chance to say anything to Betty as she headed to her car and pulled away. 

“Hi, bud. What's going on?”

She wrestled with the lock as she tried to balance the child in her other arm.  _ Dammit Laura, this is exactly why I don't like to lock my door. _ Once she got in, she placed him on the couch and began to wipe his tears.

“Mommy’s boyfriend yelled at me and got smoke in my face so I told her I wanted to come to your house.”

He sniffled a bit as Carmilla held him tight. He was getting tears on an extremely expensive dress but she couldn't find it within herself to care. She was more focused on not calling Betty right now and chewing her out for allowing someone who thought it was okay to smoke that close to a child around her son in the first place. She did her best to calm down, knowing it would only make things worse for Noah, and ran her fingers through his hair. 

“Well you can stay here as long as you want, though I do have to take you to daycare tomorrow because I have to work.”

“Where’s Laura?”

“She’s gone home for the night. She will be back tomorrow though.”

“Can you call her? I want to say hi to her.”

Carmilla smiled and took out her phone, hoping Laura wasn’t asleep yet, and began to dial the number. It rang a few times as she handed it to Noah. She figured Laura had answered with the smile that came to his face.

“Hi! It’s me Noah. Why did you not stay with Carmie tonight?” He paused and waited for her answer with a pout, “Can’t you just drive here?” There was a pause again and Carmilla couldn’t help but laugh at the look that came over the child’s face. “Okay tomorrow. ‘Bye Laura.”

Carmilla took the phone he handed to her and said her goodbyes and goodnights before hanging up. 

“Feel better?”

“Nope,” He pouted as he cuddled back into her chest.

They stayed like that for a bit, watching the movie Carmilla put on the television, until he fell asleep. She picked him up and placed him in the bed that Laura had convinced her to get for him before settling into her own bed and falling asleep.

What an eventful evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from 'The Family Jewels' by Marina and the Diamonds
> 
> Chat with me: karmacarmilla.tumblr.com
> 
> TRANSLATIONS:
> 
> Was geht ab? = What is up?  
> Verpiss dich = Fuck off/you  
> Landespolizei = German Police


	7. Walk Away, Catch up with the Sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A good deed is not taken lightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thank you for all of the incredible support! 
> 
> I have finally completed the entire story and now all I have left to do is edit and post it. Leave any suggestions you have because if I feel they fit I might be able to put them in somewhere (-:

Today was the day. 

It was the crack of dawn and Laura was doing her best to get ready without waking Carmilla and Noah up. It had been a couple weeks since Betty originally dropped Noah off and she only occasionally came by to visit him but never ended up taking him back home. Laura wanted so badly to investigate and see what was the cause of her sudden neglect but hadn’t been able to do much as she had to get ready for the field trip. Now today was the day and she was extremely nervous - opposed to her previous excitement. It was just now registering to her that she was in charge of this mass English field trip with some students that she had not even taught before in the middle of ancient ruins. She wanted so badly to ask Carmilla to come with her and scare the students out of doing anything reckless but she knew the brunette had her own classes to teach. She was on her own with this one.

As she grabbed her knapsack and swung it over her shoulder, Carmilla turned over in the bed and reached out to grab her arm.

“Carm, go back to sleep you have a couple hours until you have to wake up.”

The brunette shook her head and sleepily pulled her girlfriend down to her, placing a kiss on her lips. “I could practically feel your stress in my dreams. You’re going to have a great time today, cupcake. You’re an amazing teacher and the students will enjoy this.”

Laura couldn’t help but smile and place another kiss upon Carmilla’s lips, “I’ll be back later tonight.” 

Carmilla hummed and rolled over mumbling, “Don’t come back in love with some ‘Greek goddess’, I can’t compete with that.”

The smaller woman laughed, “Wouldn’t dream of it, babe. See you later.” 

With that she tightened her ponytail and headed out of the door with a newfound confidence. This would be the best field trip these kids have ever been on. She was sure of that fact and she was sure of herself.

-

The bus ride wasn’t too bad as most of the students were still half asleep. Laura spent most of the time talking to Danny who volunteered to chaperone for the field trip. She apologized for snapping at her all those weeks ago but made a special effort to not bring anything about Carmilla up the entire ride. 

Once they arrived at their destination, the students piled out of the bus and waited for further instruction. Laura was in charge of taking attendance for the parent chaperones while the other teachers were in charge of student attendance. As she finished checking for everyone, a familiar parent confronted her.

“Laura Hollis, congratulations on making this field trip possible! You must have pulled some major strings to get the extra money.”

Suddenly Laura’s heart felt like it was sinking into her chest, “Wait what? I thought you were the one who gave us the extra funding. I even sent you an email thanking you.”

“I thought you were thanking me for chaperoning. I didn’t have anything to do with this field trip other than that.”

Everything was making too much sense now and it felt like a slap in the face. She felt like an idiot for even believing that she could have done this herself in the first place. They weren’t on this field trip because there were actually people convinced that she was a good enough teacher to help her out. She was on this field trip because as usual, someone felt sorry for her. Someone believed that she couldn’t handle things on her own. Someone did not believe in her ability to figure things out for herself.

The rest of her day was miserable. 

-

Carmilla sent a text to Laura to ask about the trip during one of her class transitions before placing papers on the desks for her next class. Earlier Laura had sent her a couple texts about how obnoxious Danny was being on the bus and the funny faces some of the students made while they slept. The brunette made sure to send her a picture of Noah giving her a thumbs up before she dropped him off at daycare this morning. 

Now she was faced with her last class of the day and fortunately enough there was a freshman class meeting which meant the students would be gone for at least half an hour. She pulled her phone back out from her desk drawer and decided to reply to a couple of neglected messages. As she was debating whether or not to reply to a seemingly lengthy message, her door swung open.

“Um, come in?”

The red haired scientist placed a bunch of graduated cylinders on her desk and began speaking super fast, moving all of the glasses around.

“Did you inhale some of that wacky gas you all make in that laboratory?”

This time the scientist stopped and took a deep breath, “There is a reactant and I need to keep it active. You probably don’t know me other than the fact that I’m the one who wasted all of the science money-”

“Ah how could I forget?”

“Listen Morticia, I’m going to need you to not be...you for like 2 minutes here. There are some guys in suits looking around the school and they mentioned something about coming to your room so I just wanted to warn you th-”

Before they could finish their sentence, two men dressed to the nines came in the room led by one of the secretaries in the office. LaFontaine grabbed their test tubes and hurried out of the room without another word.

“Carmilla Karnstein?”

She stood, her face instantly hardening. “What is this about?”

“We just wanted to congratulate you and get your sign of approval for us to publish your good deed in the newspaper.”

“No, hell no. I already told you guys that I wanted this to be completely anonymous. Do you know what anonymous means or should I spell it out for you two goons?”

One of the men looked angry at her word choice but she was not even phased at this point. When she made this decision she only had one condition and it was that the whole process was completely anonymous - which obviously was not an option.

“Listen Karnstein-”

“No you listen,” Carmilla’s moved around the desk and stood directly in the man’s face. He was much bigger than her but he seemed to be the one intimidated in this showdown. “I want no part of this to get out. Not my name, not the transfer, none of it. Got it? If I hear that any of this gets out and I trace it back to you two I will do everything in my power to make sure that you can’t even so much as walk straight for the rest of your lives. Am I making myself clear?”

“As day. You have a good evening Ms. Karnstein.” 

Both of the men hurried out of the office, leaving Carmilla standing there in a fit of her own rage. She had to breathe. Looking to the clock quickly she grabbed her jacket and hurried out of the classroom, mentioning to LaFontaine, who was doing their best to stand nonchalantly outside of the doorway, that she needed a substitute for the rest of the day.

Carmilla reached into her jacket pocket and headed to the parking lot as she fumbled with the lighter within her fingers. She popped the cigarette between her lips and exhaled deeply as she reached her car. It had been a long time since she smoked and she did her best to break the habit but every now and then she needed to relieve a little stress. This is exactly why she held off on doing good things because when she did they always turned to shit. She wanted to talk to someone about this but the one person she wanted to talk to was the last person that needed to hear about it. 

As she came to the end of her cigarette she flicked it out of the window and dialed a number that was all too familiar.

-

“Nice of you to visit me, Kitty. That never happens. Did you and Barbie break up?”

Carmilla couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She wasn’t sure what made her feel the need to come to her brother but now she was kind of sorry that she did. He was the only one who understood her situation though so she did not have much of a choice.

“Don’t be an ass, I need your help.”

“Shouldn’t that mean that I get to be as much of an ass as I want since you need something from me?” He smirked but she gave him a look that instantly made his expression soften. “Shit, what happened?”

Carmilla explained the entire situation to him and he was actually able to refrain from making any ludicrous statements the entire time. It felt good to be understood rather than  just acknowledged.

“What if I just say it was me? I know it will have your last name on it but I could just say it was a mix up in the system.”

“It wouldn’t be able to live with that. I couldn’t tell that lie,” Carmilla sighed as she leaned back against the couch. “This is exactly why I don’t do good deeds.”

Just as Will went to sit down next to her, the phone began to ring.

“Is that you or me?”

“That’s you, I’ll give you a minute.” He stood back up and went to leave the room as Carmilla answered the phone.

“Hey cupcake, do you need me to come pick you up?”

“Do you think that I can’t figure out things on my own?”

“What-”

“Did you really believe that my backup plan was that terrible that you needed to come rescue me? That Laura’s too dumb to handle this herself?”

_ Oh shit. _

“Laura you know that I don’t think that at all. I just wanted to help-”

“I didn’t need your help, Carmilla! Why is someone always trying to save me? My entire life has been filled with people trying to take care of me like I’m some child!”

“I never meant for any of this to happen-”

“But it did happen. It happened and you knew it would eventually but you lied. You sat there and watched me thank that woman without a word.”

“Laura please, I just knew how disappointed you were when you found out you had to switch the  trips. I knew you could do it by yourself but I just wanted to help you out-”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t need your help?”

“What was I supposed to do, Laura? What kind of person would I be if I watched my girlfriend struggle and refused to do anything about it?”

“A person that believed their girlfriend would figure it out in the end. Goodnight, Carmilla.”

With that, the line disconnected leaving an empty void of an error tone for Carmilla to listen to. None of this was supposed to happen.

When had things gotten so bad?.

-

Carmilla sat on her front porch, cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. She wasn’t sure what she was trying to but it wasn’t making her feel much better. She was almost through an entire pack and could practically feel her lungs weakening but the ache in her heart was enough to deter the pain. 

The finality in Laura’s words had her head practically spinning. She called her  _ Carmilla _ . The brunette couldn’t remember the last time her full name was used but it made her almost feel sick. She never wanted to not be called by her name so bad in her entire life. Hell, she would have rather Laura cursed at her then to say her name that way. It was like a door was open but she couldn’t get through the entryway. 

As she began to light her next cigarette, headlights shone directly at her as a car pulled into her driveway. She placed the lighter next to a couple of empty bottles in the grass and stood up trying to see who was in the car. 

When the door opened she couldn’t believe her luck.

Things just seemed to keep going from bad to worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is kind of short but I wanted to isolate this scene.
> 
> Title from 'Landfill" by Daughter
> 
> Chat with me: karmacarmilla.tumblr.com


	8. Wipe away your tear stains, I thought you said you couldn't feel pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things finally start to make sense.
> 
> Warning:  
> Vomit  
> Implied drug use   
> Alcohol Abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, amazing feedback! I am so appreciative!  
> This chapter is almost unnecessarily long so I hope you enjoy and don't find it obnoxiously extended.

“Betty what are you doing here? Where is Noah?”

Carmilla tried her best to steady herself, not realizing how fast she had stood up. She wasn’t sure how much she drank but apparently it was more than she thought as she was now feeling a little tipsy. 

The woman stormed over to her and before she could react she was falling back onto the pavement. It took a moment  for her to process what was happening but the taste of blood quickly sobered her up.

“What the f-”

Her head flinging backwards was what truly sealed the deal. She tried to stand up, only to be met once again by a strong fist.

“What the fuck is your problem!?”, Carmilla spit blood out on the pavement. She wasn’t sure where it was coming from but god her face hurt like a bitch.

“Why the fuck is my son coming home with pictures of you and that tramp talking about a family?”

Another hit straight to the mouth. 

The brunette grabbed the fist in front of her and yanked the woman down to the ground, swinging her fist. There might be alcohol in her system but she knew how to fight and was not about to let this woman get the upperhand.

“First of all, don’t you ever talk about my girlfriend.” 

A punch in the face.

“Second of all, don’t ever show up at my house and try to fight me.”

A punch in the stomach.

“Oh and the next time you try and give me shit about your son wanting to be around me and my girlfriend - remember that you’re the one who always leaves him behind.”

A kick.

Okay, that one was a low blow (literally and figuratively) but Carmilla was pissed. She had already upset her girlfriend and the last thing she needed was to have someone else give her shit for doing what she thought was right. She refused to apologize anymore for trying to help.

Carmilla began to see red and instantly pushed herself off of Betty before it went any further. She knew if she let this continue, Noah would really have nowhere to go. It was not a safe situation and she knew it - so she let her go.

Betty scrambled to her feet and limped to her car, “You will  _ never _ see Noah again.”

“Oh fuck off. You don’t have any other options besides me.”

There was no response as Betty revved her engine and for a moment Carmilla thought she would run her over. 

Was is bad that she kind of didn’t care?

-

“Laura, you can’t sit in bed all day reading the entire Harry Potter series.”

LaFontaine began collecting the bowls of melted ice cream that surrounded Laura’s sofa. The blonde had been curled up all day sulking and the only person she wanted to talk to about it was Carmilla. That fact made her even sadder so she called LaFontaine. The intention was not for LaFontaine to come over and visit but they insisted on spending the day with her.

“I don’t see why I can’t.”

“Laura, what are the three parts of the deathly hallows?”

“The resurrection stone, the elder wand, and-”

“And that is why you don’t need to read anymore. Come on, L. Stop sulking we all know you hate rereading anything more than 3 times in a row and I’m positive you’ve been staring at the same page for the past half hour.”

Laura groaned, placing the book on the table and curling into her blanket, “Just let me be sad for at least 24 hours.”

“No can do,” LaFontaine took the blanket from Laura and threw it in the laundry basket.

“LaF!”

“Perry told me that tears stain and trust me you do not want your favorite blanket stained with tears.”

“They don’t stain blankets! That’s my crying blanket give it back!”

LaFontaine sat down next to Laura who was pouting on the couch, trying to curl into herself. “Look Laura, I know you’re hurting right now but I don’t think that Carmilla meant to hurt you.”

“She lied to me LaF.”

“But I don’t think it was intentional. She really cares about you and I think she was just trying to help. I don't think you should-.”

Laura sat up angrily and pointed to the door, “Get out.”

“Laura-”

“No seriously, get out. I’m so sick of people telling me what to do and how to feel. I thought you of all people would know what that is like.”

“That’s not fair and you know it.”

Laura rolled her eyes, “Oh are you going to tell me how to be fair too?”

LaFontaine shot her a look of pain before nodding and letting themselves out.

Laura flopped back on the couch with a sigh. Why did it seem like everyone was turning against her?

-

When Laura’s car would not start she honestly couldn't even say that she was surprised. Carmilla would always pick her up so it hadn't moved in well over a month. She did her best to get it started but it was no use.

_ Now what? _

It was not like she could call Carmilla just to have her fix her car and then go back to not speaking. She definitely could not call LaFontaine after treating them the way she did. There was only one other option.

A gigantic, red headed option.

She had to call Danny.

-

“Thanks for picking me up.”

She sat in the passenger seat of the coach’s car awkwardly. It wasn't that she did not like Danny but she was just another person that Laura wasn't exactly on great terms with.

“No problem, Hollis. I’ll work on your car after school since we don't have another practice until next week.”

“You really don't have to, I can call a mechanic-”

“I don't think mechanics are the people who work on cars,” Danny laughed and removed her hand from the gear shift, placing it on Laura’s.

The blonde awkwardly tried to adjust but there was that gnawing reminder that she was the one who asked for a ride in the first place.

Would it be ungrateful to refuse her advances? She was doing her a favor after all.

Laura decided to let her hand rest but there was an undeniable twist in her stomach. 

Once they arrived at the school, Laura all but hopped out of of the vehicle while calling a quick thank you over her shoulder.

That ride home would be a long one.

-

Carmilla drove slower than normal as she was still a bit hungover and unsure of where everything with Laura stood. All night she did her best to prepare a speech to apologize but nothing felt good enough. Nothing felt good enough because she did want to help and couldn't understand why Laura couldn't see that. The old her would not have backed down but at this point she was desperate. She just wanted things to get back to normal.

As she entered the neighborhood her line of vision was blocked by a large truck in the turning lane.

_ If you need a ladder to get into your vehicle, you probably shouldn't drive it through a fucking neighborhood. _

She tilted her head to get a better look at the asshole and their unlucky passenger before instantly ducking and nearly swerving into a stop sign. Once she gained control of her car she pulled over to the side of the road, placing her head on the steering wheel.

There was only one person whose hair captured natural light like that.

-

“So she just left with her?”

Will stood on the opposite side of the bar, sliding a gin and tonic across the table. Carmilla had come straight to the bar where her brother took up a couple hours after calling in sick at work. She hadn’t even bothered to leave a lesson plan and could practically hear the students complaining from the other side of town. Fortunately for her, she did not care much and drove 40 miles with a clear conscience.

Technically the bar was not open this early in the day but Will had gotten the approval from his boss to make this exception after revealing a small bit of their mother’s ties to the community. Usually Carmilla would be opposed to using that to her advantage but right now the only thought in her head was drowning the memory of her girlfriend riding away with the ginger giant.

Was Laura really so mad that she was willing to use a rebound that fast?

Scratch that, she didn’t want to think about it. Throwing her head back, she let the alcohol burn the back of her throat as she placed the glass down.

“Easy Kitty, you’ve barely overcome last night’s hangover as it is.. It’s not even noon yet and there is no way I’m babysitting your drunk ass all day.”

“Can I not just spend time with my baby brother without being accused of being an alcoholic? I’m perfectly fine, not even tipsy.”

Will raised his eyebrow, “Oh really? So why did you come here again?”

Why did she come here? Oh right _ , Laura.  _ God, even that name made her feel sick. That beautiful, beautiful name. Okay now she was really feeling sick.

“I’ll be back,” Carmilla stood up as quickly as she could but it was no use. Standing only made her head spin. She was dizzy and nauseas and suddenly everything caught up with her. With a heave, she ended up on the floor gripping her stomach.

“Scheisse Carmilla!”  Will hurried around the bar to his sister’s aid. He placed a mop bucket in front of her and held her hair back as she vomited.

“I just wanted to help,” The brunette choked out through the tears she hadn’t realized were falling. “I...I thought we had a future.”

“Listen, I know we don’t always see eye to eye on things and if anyone asks this never happened but I really think everything is not as it seems. If it is you can come back here and you can have a free punch right to my gut but I think you should talk to her and find out.”

Carmilla shook her head, heaving into the bucket again. “She won’t talk to me.” 

This time nothing came up and all she could feel was the lurch in her stomach. It was painful but as far as she was concerned, she deserved it. This is what she got for putting herself out there. Mother always told her as a child ‘it is better to prevent than to heal’. Her entire teenage years were spent trying to defy that saying and take as many risks as she could. But now? Now she was seeing clearly. Her mother was right. If she had never put herself out there, if she had never taken those risks, she wouldn’t be here lying on the floor of a bar in the middle of a weekday. She wouldn’t have lost Laura and she surely wouldn’t have lost Noah. If she had not allowed them into her life there would have been nothing to lose in the first place.

This was karma and she was willing to take it as it came. She could practically hear her mother in the back of her head reminding her that she brought this on herself and now she had to pay for her ignorance.. 

-

“Looks like it was your fuel supply.You should not have any more problems with it now.”

Danny wiped her hands on her pants as she exited Laura’s car. The engine was running and Laura was beyond excited. Sure riding with Danny could have been a lot worse but as of right now it was less than ideal. The coach’s advances only continued as she fixed the car and occasionally came in for breaks. 

“Thank you, Danny. I really appreciate you helping me out here.”

“No problem. I would do anything for you.”

As Danny moved closer, Laura stepped backwards. The coach tried again but upon receiving the same reaction she sighed.

“What is your issue, Hollis?”

“I just...I’m appreciative, I promise I am...just not in the way that you want me to be.”

Danny rolled her eyes, “Is this because of Karnstein? I thought you were done with her.”

Laura’s breath caught in her throat, “No I...Danny please.”

“Please what, Laura? I have been so nice to you and gone out of my way to do things for you and all you do is push me away!”

“I thought you were doing these things because we’re friends.”

Danny sighed,shoving her hands in her pockets. “Apparently that is all we ever will be.”

“Is that not enough?”

The coach hesitated as Laura looked up at her sadly, “I’ll see you around Hollis.”

Without another word she got into her truck and drove away, not sparing the smaller woman a passing glance. Was it wrong of her to want more? Laura practically played her with all of those mixed signals. How was that fair?

-

Laura had a lot of pride.

Sometimes that pride hindered her ability to make decisions and she was not about to let that happen tonight. She called Carmilla twice after Danny left to check on Noah and got no answer. She didn’t care how mad the brunette was, right now all she wanted was to see the beautiful little boy whose smile always seemed to light up a room.

When she pulled up to the all too familiar house, she was not sure whether to knock or to just open the door. She never had to knock any other time but she also had to remind herself that this was not like every other time. Things were not the way that they used to be.

She waited on the step for a moment before the door opened slowly. When it was completely open her eyes met with those that were sad and glassy.

“Laura.”

God, the woman reeked of alcohol. Had she been the cause of this?

“Carm, are you drunk?”

The brunette shook her head slowly, “No I’m not.”

With every word the stench filled the air around them. Laura shook her head disappointedly and looked around her into the house in hopes of seeing a child run by.

“Where’s Noah? Did you remember to pick him up today?”

Carmilla rolled her eyes and slightly stumbled in the doorframe, “If you must know, I can’t see him anymore.”

“What? Why not?”, Laura looked closer at the woman in front of her, “Do you have a black eye? Did you get in a fight at the bar?”

“Damn you ask a lot of questions. Want to know my credit card number too?”, Carmilla smirked and stepped out onto the porch with the blonde, shutting the door behind her and pulling a cigarette out of her pocket.

“What is going on with you?”, She reached for the cigarette before it could be lit and threw it in the grass.

Carmilla sighed and fumbled with the lighter between her fingers, “Wouldn’t you know that right after you broke up with me, Betty told me I couldn’t see Noah anymore.”

“I didn’t break up with you, Carm.”

“Oh really? Then why did you go prancing about with carrot-top this morning?”

“What are you...Oh. No it wasn’t like that I promise. I just couldn’t get my car to start and I didn’t know who to call.”

Carmilla laughed without humor, “You didn’t know who to call? That’s classic.”

“Look, I didn’t call you because I think we might need a break but that is a conversation for another time. I need you to focus on Noah right now. What happened with Noah?”

“Betty found the picture he drew of us three and attacked me. I beat her bad Laura...I didn’t know if I could stop.”

Laura put her hand on Carmilla’s now shaking legs, “But you did, Carm. You stopped and everyone is okay.”

The brunette laughed again, standing up while lifting her shirt, “What about this looks okay to you?” She leaned in and breathed on her girlfriend’s face, “What about this  _ smells  _ okay to you?”

“I’m going to fix this, okay?” Laura took her hand and helped her stand up.

“I just need to lay down right now,” Carmilla mumbled as she tried to push the front door open.

The smaller woman helped her to the couch, where the mathematician passed out. Laura couldn’t help but make sure to place a glass of water on the table next to her before heading out of the house.

There were at least 3 hospitals within a 30 mile radius. Which one did Betty work at?

-

Laura drove around aimlessly in search of Noah’s mother. She had already gone to two hospitals and there was only one left in her area. There was only about a quarter of a tank of gas left but that was the last thing on her mind right now. She couldn’t help but feel this underlying rage about what Betty had done to Carmilla. Whether things were good between them or not, Carmilla did not deserve that in anyway. All she wanted to do was help. Why was she being punished for trying to help?

The words ran through Laura’s mind and instant guilt swept over her like a wave. Her situation was  different though, right? Laura had not asked her for any favors so it was different.

Right?

She shook the thought from her head the second she entered the hospital. The last thing she needed was to be contemplating her actions. Right now she needed to be angry and put Betty in her place. 

She approached the front desk with one of the most polite smiles she could muster knowing they would not dare let her past if she looked threatening (or at least as threatening as she could try to look). 

“I’m looking for a woman named Betty. I’m not sure what her last name is but it should start with an S,” Laura tried to think of everything she knew about Noah that could lead her to Betty. “She’s kind of tall, has blonde hair, has a son. I guess these aren’t too good descriptors, huh?”

The woman gave a laugh and shook her head, “Could it be Spielsdorf?”

“Sure, that sounds about right? Is she here?”

“No I’m afraid not. She actually has not worked here for a couple of months now.”

_ Months? _

“I’m sorry what? She told my girlfriend that she was staying here late nights.”

The secretary shook her head, “She has not been with us since she failed one of our annual tests.”

Laura paused and took a step back from the desk, “Excuse me for a moment.” 

_ Is she referring to a drug test? Surely one would not be fired over getting a couple questions wrong on a written exam.  _ But if it was a drug test, that meant Noah’s feelings that his mother did not love him may have been valid. Not that she did not love him because of course she loves her son but she probably was having a hard time showing it because she was high.

Now Laura was pissed. Furious even. Noah was an amazing kid and for her to put him in a dangerous situation was enough to make the English teacher tremble with fury. 

As she turned the corner of the building she noticed someone all to familiar leaning against a dumpster with a man lying on the ground next to her.

“You can’t be serious,” Laura mumbled under her breath as she approached the woman. “Wow, working at the hospital has been truly time consuming, eh?”

The woman looked up and her eyes widened slowly before her face softened and she began to laugh, “Well look at what the cat dragged in. Coming to join us?”

Laura was so tempted to grab her by her shirt and drag her to her feet just to spit in her face but the small bit of common sense she had left was knocking hard. Instead she kneeled down and took Betty’s face within her hands, “Where the hell is Noah?”

“He’s at home. It’s bed time right now you should probably go to bed too.”

“No thanks,” Laura nodded over to the man passed out on the ground, “I think he’s got it covered. Now tell me where you live. Noah is too young to be alone.”

“Shut up, blondie. Don’t tell me how to treat my child.” She pushed Laura away from her and situated herself drowsily underneath the jacket that she used as a blanket. 

“Betty, this is serious. I know that probably means nothing to you right about now but Noah is in a very dangerous situation right now. You need to tell me where he is.” Laura waited for a response but Betty’s eyes were closed and her body was hunched over. 

Quickly checking for a pulse, she stood and rolled her eyes as she made her way to her car.  _ This is exactly why we don’t abuse substances, kids. _

Noah was home alone and she had no idea where home was in this circumstance. The only people who could help her were currently impaired. To find him she just had to choose the least trashed to lead her there.

Fantastic.

-

“Carm please just stay awake for a little longer. Do I make a right or left?”

Laura kept smacking her girlfriend’s arm as she nodded off in the middle of giving directions. It was dark and she had no idea where she was headed. There was barely any gas left in her tank and she had to drive all the way back in the opposite direction to pick up Carmilla. If her car was eventually going to break down she wanted to at least be close to Noah if not already with him.

“Huh?”

“Right or left, Carm?”

She stuck her hands up to figure out which way to go before pointing left. 

Laura watched as the brunette groggily moved her head back in forth with the motion of the car. It was honestly depressing to see her like this. But it was not her fault right? Carmilla should have believed in her. It’s not her fault this is how she decided to cope with a break like this.

“Okay, which house is it?”

“Which house is what?”

Laura sighed, “Which house does Noah live in?”

Carmilla frowned and shook her head, “I can’t see him anymore.”

“Did I say Noah? I meant Betty. I need to find Betty’s house.”

“Will you beat her up?”

_ It was not unethical if was lying for a good purpose, right?  _ “Of course.” 

“The red one,” was the last thing Carmilla muttered before closing her eyes and falling back asleep with a faint smile on her face.

Laura couldn’t help but want to do something. Anything. How was she supposed to explain this to Noah? 

After pulling into the driveway, she left the car running for Carmilla in case she needed some fresh air, and went up to the front door. She knocked on the door and waited for a moment before knocking again. This time there was a movement in the curtains.

“Noah? Noah it’s me Laura.”

“Laura?”, The voice was muffled but she knew exactly who it was.

“Yeah buddy, it’s me. Can you open the door?”

“I don’t know how. Can you get me out?”

“I can’t do it from out here. You have to be a big boy and open it yourself. Can you do that for me? Do you know how?”

“I don’t know how to do it, Laura. It is really dark and scary in here.”

Laura moved closer to the door and spoke louder against it, “What do you see? Is there a doorknob?”

“Yes.”

“Can you turn it for me, baby?” There was silence for a moment and Laura’s heart instantly sped up. “Noah?”

“I can’t reach it.”

“Yes you can, bud. I know you can you just have to really try and stretch. Can you stretch really high for me?”

“Hold on.”

There was silence for a moment and then a bang against the door.

“Noah? Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?”

“I got a chair! I can reach it Laura!”

“Good job!”, She moved backwards a little bit knowing the door would open outwards, “Be very careful and turn the handle, okay?”

With that, the knob started to turn and slowly the door opened. Once it did Laura instantly grabbed Noah and brought him into her arms. She wanted to cry tears of joy but she knew that was the last thing that Noah needed right now. As of now they just needed to get out. 

“I’m going to get you something to wear and you are going to stay at Carmilla’s for a while, okay?”

She entered the house, taking in the mess around her. There was trash everywhere. Dirty spoons, ashtrays, lighters, it almost looked like a cinema set it was so stereotypical. The fact that Betty had a child in this situation returned her insides to that boiling feeling she started to feel a number of hours earlier. 

After packing some clothes for Noah she led him to the car and strapped him in tightly as she did not have a carseat with her. Carmilla was passed out in the front seat and Laura made sure to construct a lie about why she was not responding to him. The whole ride he talked to her and as much as she wanted to listen, her mind was racing far too fast for her to comprehend anything he was saying. Once they arrived at Carmilla’s place she took him inside and tucked him into the bed before returning back to the car.

Carmilla was hunched over, hanging outside of the car, vomiting onto the pavement. Laura couldn’t help but roll her eyes at the sight and handed the woman a bottle of water she brought along with her. The brunette swished the water around in her mouth and spat it on the ground before taking a gracious gulp.

“I’m sorry, Laura.” She mumbled. She was nowhere close to being sober but she was at least now conscious of her surroundings.

“Don’t apologize, just get inside and get some rest.”

The mathematician stepped over the puddle she had created and trudged inside the house. When she arrived at the bed, she threw her shirt over her head and fell onto the mattress. Noah tossed in his bed a bit as well and Laura could not help but watch the both of them. This time last week they were referring to each other as a family. Things were going so well. How did something so perfect turn into such a mess?

Laura slid out of her jeans and placed some pajama pants on before entering Carmilla’s bed, making sure to keep her distance. She lay there silently for a moment reflecting on the night she had just endured - deciding to rise to her feet again and shut the blinds. The light would be a pain in the ass to the brunette the next morning and Laura knew that her girlfriend had gone through enough in a couple days to last her a lifetime. 

Regardless of the state of their relationship and the brunette’s blood alcohol content, Laura could not help but find an immense about of beauty in the woman beside her. Beauty that made her want to forgive and forget just to be in her arms again. 

Beauty that made her reflect.

Maybe this was not all Carmilla’s fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from 'Landfill' by Daughter
> 
> Chat with me: karmacarmilla.tumblr.com


	9. Sink down deeply and find the children lost at Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new revelation leads to new decisions.
> 
> Warning:  
> Sexy-times (-; Nothing graphic though

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the couple of day skip in posting but a lot has been going on. I am going to try and finish posting this story soon in case I end up in a situation where I will not be able to post for a while.  
> Thank you dearly for all of the support.

When Carmilla opened her eyes to see Laura lying next to her her first reaction was to sit up.  _ Was last night just a dream? _

The nausea sent through her body disputed that claim instantly.

_ So the drunk part was real. _

But what had happened last night? She could not remember anything past seeing Will and that was early in the day - practically the morning. She was lucky to not have ended up in the hospital if she had been drinking all of that time. 

“Carmie?”

Carmilla turned her head toward Noah’s bed slowly as to not feel sick again and gave a small smile, “Good morning.”

“Are you drunk?”

She raised her eyebrow at the little boy that looked at her nervously, “What makes you ask that?”

“You were throwing up and Laura said you were sick but you smelled like my mommy does sometimes and she calls it drunk. Does drunk mean sick?”

Carmilla hesitated wondering how to respond. How does one protect a child that is already so damaged and exposed? Thankfully Noah’s attention was directed to Laura who turned over in the bed with a small sigh.

“Laura?”

“Did she vomit again?”, She mumbled not opening her eyes as she cuddled into her pillow.

_ Damn, How sick was I? _

“No I didn’t,” Carmilla spoke up before Noah could say anything else. “You can go back to sleep if you want. I’m sorry I kept you up through the night.”

Laura didn’t respond but her even breaths signified that she had fallen back asleep. Carmilla stood up slowly and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth as Noah began to color in the sketchbook she had gotten him a couple of weeks ago.

Nothing made any sense. What was real and what was not?

-

When Laura woke there was no denying the ache in her heart as she felt the cold sheets beside her. She sat up and looked around the see the room empty but could hear the faint sound of moving furniture. 

_ I am almost afraid to even ask what is going on. _

Once she felt energized enough to stand she opened the door and looked out to see Carmilla and Noah crawling into a pillow fort they created in the middle of the living room. 

“Carmie you can be the sidekick!”

“How come I have to be the sidekick?”

Laura laughed quietly as she listened to their banter inside of the fort. She quickly moved forward and crawled in with them.

“Morning.”

Noah jumped from his spot and into her arms, “Laura! Do you want to play superheroes with us?” 

“Of course,” she smiled at Carmilla who was watching them quietly. “Who am I ?”

“You can be the princess. I have to save you from Carmie’s evil lair.”

Laura looked to the brunette who was giving her a soft smile, “I had to be the villain because I didn't want to be a sidekick.” 

She smiled back before turning to Noah, “So how did I get kidnapped?”

“You’re not a kid!” He jumped out of Laura’s arms and grabbed his toy sword at the same time as Carmilla.

“Fine, how did she princess-nap me?”

“Carmie snatched you from your castle when you were sleeping.”

The pair began to battle with their toy swords, Carmilla pretending to be brutally injured occasionally until Noah tapped her on the head and she fell dramatically to the floor.

“Oh no! Super Noah is going to run away with my princess!”

Noah rolled Carmilla over and tapped her. When she didn’t move he looked up happily, “We did it!”

Laura laughed at her girlfriend who was dramatically sprawled out on the ground, “Good job, bud!”

He threw his sword on the ground and collapsed on top of Carmilla, “Wake up Carmie! I want to have pancakes.”

The mathematician sat up as she rolled her eyes, “You’re lucky all superheroes need a super breakfast otherwise we would be having some good old toast.”

The trio crawled out of the blanket fort and headed to the kitchen where Laura helped Noah on the stool. Carmilla began getting the ingredients together when she stopped and looked at her girlfriend sheepishly.

“I don’t know how to cook.”

Laura smirked and took the ingredients from the brunette, “I was waiting on you to realize that.” She whipped the batter together and began frying the pancakes, feeling Carmilla watching her. They had reached the point in their relationship where they knew just by a look what the other was thinking and Laura knew that Carmilla was questioning where they stood. It was obvious that they would have to talk about it at some point but Laura could not help but think the worst. She was mad about what Carmilla had done but the more she thought about it the less angry she was. Would that be a self betrayal? This tension felt worse than anything else though - even worse than the guilt she felt seeing Carmilla drunk on her front porch last night. She decided to confront the brunette when Noah took his nap. 

-

It had only taken about an hour after eating for Noah to fall asleep on his coloring book. Carmilla put on a movie while they all relaxed and let their food settle and eventually he had fallen asleep. Now it was just the couple sitting a farther distance than normal from each other on the couch - neither of them knowing what to say. Occasionally they would catch each other sneaking glances but that was the most interaction between the two.

Awkward seconds went by.

Then minutes.

By the time it nearly hit the half hour mark, Laura decided she could not take the silence anymore. It was practically eating away at each other.

“I know you weren’t trying to hurt me.”

The second she spoke up, tension grew in Carmilla’s frame. “Laura-”

“Just let me finish. I know you were trying to help but my entire life people have been trying to help me. It feels like I can never fix anything; the budget, the changes,...my mother. I just felt like this was one thing I could do to prove myself and then it failed but you just fixed it so effortlessly. I guess I was frustrated that I tried so hard only for you to fix everything that went wrong almost immediately.”

Carmilla waited a moment but when Laura did not say anything else she spoke, “I never meant to do that I only wanted to help because I knew the trip meant a lot to you.”

“Why did you lie then? You should have just told me what you did.”

The brunette shrugged, moving a bit closer. “If I told you what I was doing you would have never let me do it. As mad as you are, I can't say that I would not do it again if the situation presented itself.”

“You're right I wouldn't have and honestly I am still mad that you did but I’m trying to let it go.”

Carmilla shook her head, “Let me ask you this - if I had to write a paper on a book I never read but you had and I would lose my job if I failed the paper, would you help me?”

“Of course. I wouldn't let you just-...oh.”

They were quiet for a long time, neither of them knowing where to go from here.

The silence was tugging at Laura’s heart so she spoke again, “I’m sorry.”

Carmilla moved closer until their knees connected. She moved slowly waiting for approval before taking Laura’s hands in her own, “Laura I love you. I really do and whether you are ready or not to hear that, I need you to know that I did what I did because I love you and the idea that I would have the opportunity to help you and not do it just was not something I could live with. Being around you opens me up in all of the right ways. My entire life I have been so independent and..lonely. I never realized I was lonely until you and Noah came into my life and I actually felt like I was a part of something. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have never experienced a love like this and I am so glad that I have experienced it with you.” She looked at Laura but the blonde just sat quietly. “You don't have to say anything back I just wanted you to know that. If you need time, I’ll give it to you.”

Carmilla was beginning to stand when Laura tugged on her hands and pulled her back down so they were face to face, both breathing heavily.

“Carm, when I saw you last night in that state I was terrified. Every time I looked at you, I saw my mother. She literally drank herself to death and it all started because of a minor setback. She would drink to make her pain go away but eventually it never did. The thought of me being the cause of you going down that path was nauseating,” Laura realized she was rambling and took a deep breath. “I have never loved anyone and I’m not sure what it is supposed to feel like but I know that I feel something different with you than I have ever felt with anyone. The thought of you not being in my future makes me feel like I can’t breathe. If that is what love feels like...then I love you too.”

They sat quietly not sure where to go from here - a situation that was definitely not foreign to them.  

“So…” Carmilla's voice, though nearly a whisper, practically boomed through the silent room.

“So?”

“What does this mean?”

Laura rolled her eyes and pulled her girlfriend into a hug. She could feel the brunette’s heart beating against her own as they sat wrapped around each other. The feeling of Carmilla’s thumbs stroking her hip bones was surprisingly comforting rather than arousing and she couldn't help the smile that came to her face.

“Cupcake,” Carmilla whispered against her.

“Yes?”

“I will never be like your mother, I will never leave you. But if you don't want me to help you anymore, then okay.” 

“I do.”

Carmilla pulled back and gave her a look of concern, “Really?”

“I really do,” Laura nodded with a smile, “You’re not helping because you don't think I can do it myself, you're helping because...because you love me.”

The brunette could not help the smile that came to her face as she brought her girlfriend in for a kiss. Laura, however, could only think about a very important quote that her mother had told her in one of her drunken nights. It was a quote about love and it was clear that her parents had fallen out of love as the alcohol consumed her mother.  At the time the quote had not meant much and she had passed it off as a drunken thought - until now. 

Now it made sense. 

_ Love does not make the world go ‘round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.  _

-

“Are you sure leaving Noah with LaF was a good idea?”

They had just dropped Noah off at LaFontaine’s place for the night. They were thrilled to have him around as a junior scientist. Laura made them promise that when she picked him up tomorrow that he would in the same condition she dropped him off in. 

“You are really asking me that after we already dropped him off?”, Carmilla shut the door behind her as she raised her eyebrow.

“Okay I agree, bad timing but I’m just worried. Maybe we should not leave him with someone he doesn’t know so soon after he was left at home alone. Do you think he is upset about it?”

Carmilla shrugged, “I don’t think that is the first time he has been alone so he should be fine. Besides, that kid loves learning new things. They will both have a great time.” She sighed as Laura did not seem convinced, “Do you want me to go back and pick him up?”

The blonde shook her head and sat down on the bed, “No I wanted this and eventually the nervousness will subside. Right now, I just want to be with you.”

Carmilla sat next to her, “You know even though he isn't your child, you are such a great mom. Do you ever think about having children of your own?”

“You think so? I’m not so sure about having children of my own because I sort of see Noah as already in that place? Is that strange?”

“Not at all. Noah clearly sees you as his family and loves you so much.”

“Really?”

“Mhm,” Carmilla moved closer to her with a smirk, “You know who else loves you?”

Laura smiled innocently as her girlfriend pushed her back so she was lying down, “Who?”

The brunette straddled her and connected their lips. When she pulled away, she gave a seductive smile, “Me.”

“Really?”

“Mhm.”

“Show me.”

With those words, Carmilla wasted no time pressing their lips back together in a heated kiss. Laura’s hands snaked around her neck and down her back as she lifted her girlfriend’s shirt over her head, leaving the brunette in only a bra. Carmilla’s lips moved down Laura’s chin and onto her neck where she began taking her time on each piece of skin as the blonde began unbuttoning her leather pants. Once she reached her collarbone she began to leave marks that Laura could not help but welcome. As the brunette’s lips returned back to her girlfriend’s lips, she began removing her pants - Laura lifting herself up slightly. Her fingers toyed at the edge of the smaller woman’s waist line before running her thumbs over her hip bones and slowly moving south. From there the couple engaged in one of the most amazing nights they had ever spent together. A night of passion, excitement, and serenity.

It wasn't sex.

It was love.

-

The couple lay together under the sheets cuddled into each other. Laura insisted on being the big spoon tonight and Carmilla was too dizzy to even argue. It was a delightful dizzy. The kind of dizzy that came from an abundance of bliss. 

“There is a poem by a man called Lord Byron,” Carmilla spoke quietly as she stroked the arm that was wrapped around her. “It’s called ‘She Walks in Beauty’. I memorized it as a child in hopes of finding someone to tell it to.”

“Have you found that someone?”

The brunette rolled over so that they faced each other, with a smile, “ _ She walks in beauty, like the night _ __  
_ Of cloudless climes and starry skies; _ __  
_ And all that’s best of dark and bright _ __  
_ Meet in her aspect and her eyes; _ __  
_ Thus mellowed to that tender light _ _  
_ __ Which heaven to gaudy day denies. ”

Laura watched the brown eyes in front of her with each word. Once the poem concluded, she was nearly speechless. “You know, in my entire life I have never met anyone as romantic as you and I am an English teacher.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“I love it...I love you,” She placed a kiss on her girlfriend’s lips and snugged into her chest.

“I love you too, cupcake.”

_ I love you too. _

-

When the morning came, Carmilla refused to get up. She knew they had to leave soon to pick Noah up from LaFontaine’s place but something about Laura curled up against her made it almost physically impossible for her to move. Somehow the blonde had adjusted from being tucked under her arm to being almost directly on top of her. She could not have moved even if she had wanted to.

The smaller woman began to stir a bit in her sleep, opening her eyes slightly before closing them right back and nuzzling further into her girlfriend’s chest. Carmilla ran her hands through the head of hair that lay upon her slowly thinking about the previous night. Her dreams solely consisted of Laura’s face. 

The way her face scrunched up when she thought hard about something, the little twitch of her lips before she broke out into a full blown grin, the way she shuddered every time Carmilla bit her lip when they kiss, the look in her eyes right before she slid herself down the brunette’s body.

The last thought made her breath hitch, shaking the woman on top of her slightly. Laura stirred a bit more before opening her eyes completely. 

When she realized where she was, she gave a beatific smile and pressed a kiss to her girlfriend’s collarbone.

“Morning,” she yawned.

“Good morning, sunshine. How do you feel?”

Laura grinned as she rolled off of the brunette onto the bed, “Sore. Blithefully content. Radiant.”

Carmilla laughed quietly and stretched out before sitting up, not bothering to clutch the sheets to her chest. “Sounds like I did my job then, huh?” She stood up and went to her dresser to grab some clothes, throwing Laura a t-shirt. 

“If I recall correctly, I did most of the working.” Laura smirked as she caught the shirt.

“Don’t act like you didn’t love it.”

“Oh I loved it...maybe not as much as you-”

“Alright blondie, we get the point. Now get dressed before I have to prove a point.”

Laura was not planning on dropping this anytime soon, “Please make your point.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes as she entered the bathroom for her shower, “Geez, you let a girl have the upperhand one night and she thinks she’s some type of professional.”

“I heard that!”

-

“Carmie! Laura!”

Noah ran full speed at the women the second LaFontaine opened the front door.

Carmilla scooped him up into her arms, smiling just as wide as the child. “Hey bud! Did you have a good time?”

“The best time! We made rockets! Can we buy soda before we go home?”

_ Home _ . Laura and Carmilla both caught the word with the same thought running through their heads.

“We will see, now go get your things. We’re going out for breakfast.”

Carmilla followed him further into the house to help him pack his things up while LaFontaine and Laura wait in the entryway.

“Thank you so much LaF. He really had a great time and-”

“Laura what’s the deal with him?”

The blonde raised her eyebrow, “What?”

“Are you two adopting him or something? Where is his mother?”

Laura paused for a moment not sure how much to reveal. She trusted LaFontaine but there was a fine line between letting someone in and revealing entirely too much.

“It’s a long story but we’re not adopting him. He’s just staying with Carm for a bit. What is the issue?”

“Are you and her moving in together?”

Were they? Laura was not sure but she sure did spend a lot of time in that house.

“I don’t know, what is this about LaF? You’re starting to scare me.”

“Noah referred to you as ‘mommy’ last night.”

-

An unhealthy amount of thoughts were coursing through Laura’s mind on the ride to the restaurant and even as they were seated. Carmilla and Noah talked the entire time about his night at LaFontaine’s, completely oblivious to Laura’s distress. 

She had yet to mention the information to her girlfriend. She just could not understand why he clung to her so much. He had known Carmilla much longer and they gave him an equal amount of attention. Why her? She did say that she saw him as a son but now that it was confirmed that he felt the same, she was not sure where to take this. She had no idea where Betty was at this point and was honestly a little surprised that she had not come to find her son when she realized he was not home - if she even had been back there yet. The thought of the woman not coming to check on her son, thinking he was still home alone, for that amount of time made her feel nauseas.

As the food arrived, Carmilla looked up to notice her girlfriend staring into space.

“Cupcake, are you alright?”

Laura returned to reality and tried her best to force out a genuine smile, “Yes just not very hungry.”

“Really?”, the brunette raised her eyebrow. “Not even for chocolate chip pancakes?”

Noah raised his head, hearing the words ‘chocolate chip pancakes’ as those were his favorite. Today he decided to order french toast but had been eyeing Laura’s pancakes since they arrived at the table.

Laura noticed his face and placed two pancakes on his plate that he happily dug into. She returned her attention back to her girlfriend and gave her a look that said they needed to talk later. The brunette gave a nod and continued to eat her breakfast.

The rest of the meal was mostly silent except for Carmilla’s interaction with the waitress to pay for their meal. When they left the restaurant and the mathematician buckled the child into his carseat, Noah reached out to give her a hug.

“Aw, you alright buddy?”

“I just love you.”

That was the first time he had ever said anything like that and it honestly took Carmilla by surprise. Her and Laura had always insinuated the love he felt for them but it was never confirmed until now. Just like a lot of things seemed to be apparently.

Carmilla turned quickly to look at her girlfriend who seemed to have the same shocked expression before placing a kiss on Noah’s cheek.

“I love you too, bud.”

She shut the door and got into the driver’s seat with the rest of the ride home silent. Upon noticing the stress on Laura’s face, she reached over and let her hand rest on her girlfriend’s thigh. The blonde placed her hand on top and they stayed like that the rest of the way.

When they pulled into the driveway, no one make any attempt at exciting the car. Instead, Carmilla turned around to look at Noah who was smiling at her.

She was not sure if it made her heart warm or break. Her love for him was incredible but that would make it even harder if something were to happen. She prayed to whoever would listen that nothing would happen.

“Noah, I have a question for you.”

“Am I in trouble?”, He asked quietly as the smile left his face.

Carmilla shook her head quickly, “No not at all. I just want to know how you feel about going to see your mother today?” She had no intention of taking him to see her, especially since she had been the one to cause the nicely forming bruise under eye. But she just had to know where Noah was with all of this family business.

“I don’t want to,” He said quickly and crossed his arms over his chest.”I want to stay here with you guys.”

This time Laura spoke up, “She misses you a lot.”

Noah sunk into his carseat sadly, “Do you want to get rid of me?”

“God no.”

“Absolutely not.”

The women spoke at the same time. The last thing they wanted was to make him feel unwanted. In fact, that was the completely opposite of what they wanted for him. They just needed confirmation.

“Baby, we love you so much. We just want to know what you want.” Laura slid out of her seatbelt so she could turn towards him better.

“I want you to be my family. I want you to be my mommies”

That was all the confirmation they needed. Now what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from "Lifeforms" by Daughter
> 
> Chat with me: KarmaCarmilla.tumblr.com


	10. What is essential is invisible to the eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things feel as if they are moving backwards, Noah knows more than he lets on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the comments and support, as always!
> 
> Also thank you to those of you who checked to make sure that I am alright. Things will work themselves out sooner or later and I love writing because it takes me to a different place in my life so thank you!

“Please tell me I am not the only one freaking out here.”

Laura and Carmilla sat on the couch with a bunch of papers sprawled around the brunette’s laptop. This felt a lot like the first time they had spent time together and the thought of how far they had come sent a chill up Laura’s spine.

Now, though, instead of working on budgets, they were working on custody papers. Neither of them had any idea of how this was supposed to work. It had been almost two weeks since Noah had made his request and ever since it felt like every waking moment was spent trying to figure this out. Thankfully, there were only a couple of days until summer break which both women were no longer going to be preoccupied with work - though Carmilla had picked up a couple of hours as a personal mathematics tutor.

The women had grown closer than they could ever imagine in such a short amount of time as they really did not have much of a choice. This was a major decision and it was not just going to affect the family aspect of it but they also had to make a lot of choices about their relationship, the arrangement, finances, practically everything. One of the biggest stressors was trying to find Betty.

Laura had gone back to the hospital almost everyday for about a week before giving up and deciding that the woman had most likely found a new place to squat.

Carmilla placed her hand under her girlfriend’s shirt and began to run her fingers up and down her back, noticing how the other woman was getting lost in thought.

“Should we take a break? I don’t want you getting too stressed over this. We have time.”

Laura leaned back on the couch, running her fingers through her hair. “What do you think we should do? This is a huge decision.”

“Honestly? I think before we do anything we need to find Betty and get her into a rehabilitation center or something. She did not used to be like this and I really think she could be a good mother if she just got herself together.”

“Do you think they would let her take Noah back?”

“I’m not sure,” Carmilla sighed before mumbling quietly, “That scares me.”

Laura sighed as she rest her her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder sadly, “It scares me too but the system is going to want him back with his biological family above anything else if she gets clean. We would most likely not have a say.”

Carmilla lifted Laura’s head from her shoulder and turned her body so that her back lay against the armrest before inviting her girlfriend to lie within her arms. They sat quietly for a moment until Noah came out into the living room with his blanket trailing behind him. He hopped onto the couch and cuddled into Laura’s arms, falling asleep almost instantly.

Usually this would have put the couple at ease but now it only made them tense up. Every single one of them was in way too deep and if this did not go in their favor, it would end in an immense amount of heartache.

An ache not a single one of them was fit to handle.

-

_What factors are considered when gaining custody of a child?_

_A primary question in the courts is the consideration of what is in the best interest of the child? Some of the factors that are looked at are:_

 

  * __Financial and physical ability to provide child with essentials__


  * _Parent’s physical and mental medical history_


  * _Child’s age, sex, physical and mental medical history_


  * _A parent’s vocation and habits, including things like excessive drinking or smoking_



 

Carmilla sat with the laptop her heart started beating faster than she had ever experienced in her lifetime. That last point was a deciding factor and depending on whether or not they evaluated her, she could be the one who kept them from Noah. What was considered excessive? She had not thought of her habit as excessive, just as a stress reliever.

Her heart felt heavier now and she had a hard time breathing. Taking a gasp of air, she tried to calm herself down. She was not sure what was going on so she tried to shake it off but the thoughts were running through her head faster than she could keep up with. Her and Laura had not even made a decision about Noah yet and she was here looking at how to get custody. Hell, her and Laura had not even made a decision about their relationship. Was she moving too fast? Was she in over her head?

_God, I need a cigarette._

Right as the thought went through her head the panic set in. Here she was worrying about how her decisions would affect their ability to keep Noah and the only thing she wanted was to make a terrible decision.

Turning her head to look at Laura who was still curled up on the couch with Noah she tried her best to keep quiet, grabbing her jacket and heading out to the front porch.

She shut the door behind her and sat down on the first step, lighting the cigarette in between her fingers. The last time she had been in this situation she was completely wasted and this porch was starting to feel a lot more like safe haven though it should have felt like a trap.

The second she inhaled and let the smoke travel to her lungs, she instantly felt calmer. It was not right but it was honestly the only thing she could think of to keep herself having a heart attack...or whatever that was back inside. She did her best to reason that this was the right decision. It could be worse, right? She could be drinking. One cigarette was not going to hurt anyone.

By the time she was nearly finished with her cigarette, there was still some stress residual so she took another out of the package.

_I mean, if this is going to be my last time why not go all out?_

She lit the cigarette and hugged her knees to her chest as the wind blew heavily against her body. She was mentally cursing herself for not thinking to bring a heavier coat but at least she had the warmth of her cigarette. But as the wind blew harder and her cigarette began to taper, she felt as if she was going to freeze to death. Carmilla knew it was probably best to go inside but she just could not be in there to look at them. Her perfect almost-family was too much for her right now.

The thought sunk in and made her heart begin to ache so she grabbed another cigarette.

Then another.

And another.

When she reached for her ‘last’ one she realized that there were no more in the package. With a sigh, she stood up and walked around the house a couple times in an attempt to air herself out. Upon arrival at the front of the house for the third time, she decided to enter with hopes that she did not smell. The last thing she needed was for Laura to give her shit over a little stress reliever. As Carmilla quietly moved through the living room the blonde stirred in her sleep though Noah remained completely knocked out. She hurried past and entered the bathroom to take a shower and get the smell off of her, not forgetting to pull out a spare pack she kept under the sink and put it in the pile of clothes she had brought to change into.

She decided that she was doing was not excessive but a stress reliever. Everyone had their quirks, right?

-

When Laura opened her eyes, she could not help but frown. The sound of water running in the distance let her know that Carmilla was in the shower so she stood up and took the jacket that was hanging on the door. She had been awake the entire time the brunette was outside and was counting the minutes that went by with fear in her heart. Reaching into the pocket, she pulled out an empty package and a lighter. Laura was not sure whether to be happy that it was not alcohol or to be disappointed that it was cigarettes.

Did she not realize she was slowly killing herself?

Her lungs and overall health were in jeopardy.

Did Carmilla not see that?

She hurried and placed the contents of Carmilla’s jacket pocket into the trash can and took the trash bag out onto the front porch. When she returned to the house, the water had stopped running but there was still no sign of her girlfriend so she went into the kitchen to begin preparing dinner.

Unsure of what she was going to make she picked up the laptop to search for some recipies. As it started up she looked through the cupboards in search of finding something other than pasta. They practically ate pasta every day and truthfully she was sick of it. Turning back to the laptop, her eyebrows raised at the most recently opened tab.

_Frequently Asked Questions on Gaining Custody_

She scrolled through the page and began to read off some of the bullet points until she came to the same one that had tripped Carmilla up. She was so invested in her reading that she did not even notice when the brunette approached her at the counter.

“Hey, what’s for dinner?”

Laura turned the laptop around and snapped, “I was thinking maybe we could have a nice major decision topped with some custody battle. Maybe a nice ‘conversation-with-girlfriend’ on the side? How does that sound?”

She honestly did not intend to come off so harshly but this was a huge decision and her and Carmilla never really talked about it in depth. There were a lot of things to be decided and she felt like she was left out of the loop.

“Laura I was not finalizing anything or making any decisions, I was just curious about how it would work if we maybe did decide. I was just researching, I promise I have not made any decisions.”

“Researching for what? How to get past the whole ‘excessive smoking’ thing? If you really think you are going to bypass that one by smoking an entire pack in one sitting then you’re confused.”

Carmilla’s eyes widened, “Wha..how did you…”

“You would be surprised at how easy pretending to sleep is. You were gone for nearly an hour, Carm. No single cigarette takes that long.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to yourself, apologize to Noah. You’re ruining this for yourself, not me.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that at the end of the day, I’m not going to let your stupid decisions affect the rest of Noah’s life. If a custody decision is made and you’re not approved, I will move on without you. I won't let us suffer because of you.”

“You’re acting like I’m on drugs.” Carmilla felt her heart sink. She wanted to be strong, put up the walls, but it was no use. Her voice had betrayed her and her and her words had come out softer than she had expected them to.

“In the eyes of the law, you might as well be.”

“Carmie?”

Both women looked to the doorway where Noah stood, sadly. They had not even realized he was awake, let alone noticed him standing there.

Carmilla turned away from Laura and scooped the child into her arms, “Hey, buddy.”

“Are you guys fighting?”

“No, we’re just talking I’m sorry we woke you.”

Noah placed his head against her shoulder with a yawn, “Are you sure?”

The brunette smiled sadly, “Yes I’m sure. Are you hungry? We could order some pizza if you would like.”

He shook his head slightly, “I’m not hungry. Can we make another fort?”

“Maybe tomorrow, love. Why don’t you pick out a story for us to practice tonight?”

She lowered him to the floor and he hurried out of the room to look for a book on the bookshelf. Carmilla had took the time to take all of the books for his reading level on a lower shelf so that he could read whenever he wanted without having to feel like he had to wait for someone to read to him.

After he left the room the brunette turned to her girlfriend who was looking less than pleased. The anger seemed to have subsided but the frustration was definitely still there.

“Look, I understand that you’re stressed but it seems like you keep finding things to be upset with me about.” Carmilla’s confidence came back slightly with her words. This was the her she knew, not the passive romantic that she became when she was around Laura. “If there is something else there bothering you then we can talk about that but for right now I’m going to handle my business and you really should handle yours.”

Laura opened her mouth but did not have the chance as Carmilla was already out of the room. She could not help but roll her eyes though the other woman’s statement was right. She had been finding a lot of things about her girlfriend frustrating these days.

Maybe she was the one with the problem.

-

“Can I read it all the way this time?”

Noah shut the book for moment and turned back to the beginning. They had gone over the story 3 times already and Noah was slowly starting to put together words - what they looked like, sounded like, etc. His reading had improved immensely.

“Have at it, bud.”

Noah looked over the page for a moment before reading slowly, “Once when I was six years old I saw a....a ma...mag...Carmie what is that word? I always forget.”

“Magnificent.”

“Right!”, He smiled and continued, “A magnificent picture in a book...Carmie this is too long can you read it to me?”

Carmilla laughed and nodded her head, placing the book to the side. She had read it so many times as a child and hearing it over and over again with Noah had practically ingrained the words in her mind.

“Lorsque j’avais six ans j’ai vu, une fois, une magnifique image, dans un livre sur la Forêt Vierge qui s’appelait-”

“Carmie that is _not_ what we practiced,” Noah complained.

Carmilla smiled and cuddled into him on his tiny bed, “You’re right but it’s nice to hear in a different way, huh? But why don’t we give this book a rest tonight. Let’s write a story.”

“Can it be about superheroes?”

“It can be about whatever you want it to be about.”

Noah sat quietly for a moment before cuddling into Carmilla, “There was a superhero named Carmie and she had a trusty sidekick named Super Noah.”

The brunette raised her eyebrow as she listened to the child tell the story. Every time he did anything with heroes he was always the main character. This was definitely a new change of pace.

“One day Super Noah was in trouble because he got kidnapped by the Evil..what is my mommy’s name?”

“Noah…”

The child shook his head and cuddled further into her, “You said I could tell the story about anything I wanted.”

Carmilla sighed sadly, “Her name is Betty.”

“Super Noah got kidnapped by Evil Betty and he took her to her evil lair. It was dirty and it made Super Noah very sad because he always had to be by himself. But then Super Carmie found him! It was sad because Carmie could not find the key so she could only visit him a couple times but then she saved him and they went back to Carmie-Noah headquarters.” He paused for a second to look up at the woman.

Carmilla was unsure of what to say so she just looked back at him. She did not know how to feel, how to react, how to think. She was completely at a loss for words.

“Everything was happy but then one day Super Noah fell asleep and when he woke up he was back at Evil Betty’s lair. She kidnapped him again! But then he got saved by another superhero named Laura! Noah did not know that Laura was a superhero, he just thought that she was a friend of Super Carmie’s. Then Super Laura took him back to the headquarters and everything was happy again!”

“Noah-”

“Wait I did not get to the best part Carmie! When they got back to the headquarters, Super Laura and Super Carmie upgraded Noah from sidekick to superhero and everyone was happy because everyone was super together! The end.”

When his story came to an end Carmilla was even more speechless than she had expected herself to be. She had not realized Noah was realizing everything that was going on. She knew he was a smart kid but it was a lot to grasp - apparently he had no trouble.

A question that semeed to constantly tug at her mind, ran through her head once again.

_Now what?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chat with me: karmacarmilla.tumblr.com


	11. Bring peace at last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A step forward secures finality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are! Please make sure to read the end notes (-:

Laura pulled the pan off of the hook for the 3rd time. She had been debating whether to cook dinner or not for the past 25 minutes. She was not even sure what she was going to make but she just kept picking up the pan as the thoughts flooded her mind. 

All this time she had been getting frustrated with Carmilla and finding things to be upset about. It felt like everything the brunette did she found fault with. Why was she like this? She loved her, right? What was the problem?

By the time she returned the pan back to the hook she was mentally exhausted. All of her life she had been told things were not her fault so she would not blame herself for her mother’s problems. Had that mentality subconsciously embedded itself in her mind? Had it hindered her inability to take responsibility for her actions? But what did she do wrong? The fact that she could not think of anything was terrifying.

Feeling her breath starting to catch in her throat, Laura leaned against the counter - a decision she instantly regret.

“Fuck!”, She jumped back quickly and clutched her hand.

As she tried to quickly put it under cold water there was a thumping sound heading towards her. When the blonde turned around she could not help but laugh, besides the ache in her hand. Carmilla had come running in, messy hair and sleepy eyes, wielding a toy sword. As the brunette realized there was no danger she looked at the sword sheepishly.

“I have a feeling that if a criminal came in here I would not have been much help.”

“Probably not,” Laura giggled as she dryed her hand off. 

“Are you okay?” 

The way the brunette moved slowly towards her, unsure of her movements, made Laura’s heart sink. She was the one who had caused that uncertainty...again.

“Just burning myself like an idiot,” She held her hand up to her girlfriend who instantly came over to tend to it.

Carmilla moved quickly but carefully to treat it, reaching into the cabinet for burn cream. “You’re not an idiot. Maybe a little absentminded but not an idiot.”

They stood quietly for a moment as the brunette wrapped her girlfriend’s hand up. Once the bandage was secured she gave her hand a kiss and went to the cabinet to pull out a mug. 

“Do you want some hot cocoa?”

Laura shook her head and watched as her girlfriend began pouring herself a pre-made iced coffee. The way her messy hair fell along her shoulders and she moved comfortably around the kitchen brought such a home-like feeling to the blonde that she was unsure of how to feel.

“I’m sorry.”

It was barely a whisper but Laura prayed to whoever would listen that the other woman heard her. Her prayers were not answered.

“Huh?”

Carmilla took a sip of her drink and turned around, leaning against the counter to look at her girlfriend. 

“Why are you drinking coffee so late?” Laura mentally kicked herself for not repeating herself but she was not sure what she was sorry for. She was just sorry. How was that going to help anything?

“I don’t want to smoke,” Carmilla shrugged and took a long gulp of her drink. “When I was quitting after high school this was the only thing that seemed to work for me.”

“I’m sure it will work again. After all, when we met you did not smoke.”

“Hopefully.”

The silence returned and it was definitely not comforting as it used to be just some time ago. The tension in the air was thick enough to cut with a knife and the self-hate returned for Laura as she knew it was her fault. She could not help but see everything in extremes. Either it was in no way her fault or everything was her fault. She just could not find the balance.

“Laura-”

“I’m sorry.”

The silence returned but this time Laura could not stop her ramble.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated. “I keep pushing you. I’m either pushing you away or I’m pushing you to do things that you don’t want to do. I don’t know why I’m doing it and I don’t know how you put up with me but I am so sorry. This is not how love is supposed to work. I keep fucking it up.”

“You’re not fucking it up-”

Laura gave a bleak look but Carmilla shook her head.

“I’m serious. You’re not. There is no right or wrong way to love someone so stop thinking there is. I love you even when you’re being crazy - and you have definitely been being crazy.”

“Gee, thanks.” 

“ _ But _ ,” Carmilla placed her mug on the counter and stepped closer to the smaller woman. “You are not wrong. The way you treat me sometimes is kind of fucked up but I’m no better. We do these things because we love each other but are kind of shitty at showing it. We both know that I need to stop smoking. We both know that you need to stop catastrophizing. We both know that we need each other for any of this to work. It is messy and it is definitely not ideal but if everything was perfect we would not be ourselves.”

Laura could not help but smile as her girlfriend moved closer to her and trapped her against the counter, placing her hands outside of her hips. 

“I love you,” Laura mumbled before pressing their lips together.

“I love you, too.”

“I love you,” A small voice came from the doorway.

Carmilla rolled her eyes, whispering “We really need to keep an eye on that kid,” before turning around to look at Noah who was in the corner.

“We love you too, buddy.” Laura leaned down to pick him up. “What are you doing awake?”

He shrugged against her and placed his head on her shoulder, “Carmie left me.”

“You were supposed to be asleep,” She mumbled, leaning against the counter next to Laura.

The blonde shot her a look and lowered the child back to the ground, “Come on, let’s all go read a bedtime story. We have a big day tomorrow.”

Carmilla and Noah both looked at her, confused, but followed her to the bedroom. Laura lay down on the bed, opening her arms for Noah to climb in, while Carmilla lay down next to the both of them. 

“What story are we going to read?”

Laura turned to her girlfriend who rolled her eyes once again, before reciting a short bedtime story. Before the story was over, Noah was asleep against her chest and Laura was nearly asleep as well. The only thing keeping her awake was Carmilla’s hand that had intertwined with hers. She could feel the other woman’s heartbeat through the veins in her hands and though they were not her own she could not help but feel more alive than she ever had before.

Things were messy and probably would never be perfect, but what was? The love surrounding the three of them gave her hope for the future. Noah would be fine, Carmilla would be fine,  _ she _ would be fine. 

The love allowed her heart to ignite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is kind of short and honestly I did not want to end this here but due to personal circumstances (as well as the fact that I needed a time jump) I thought it was safer to end it here. I have so much in store for this couple so I have started a series that I will update regularly - as I have already written following parts.   
> One that is actually going to updated in a few minutes so consider it a bonus I suppose.  
> This story has been so fun to write and has gotten so much incredible feedback it blows my mind and I am so thankful for every single person that has read, left kudos, commented, supported me, everything. You are all so amazing and words cannot describe how grateful I am. This is exactly why I write. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> Affectueusement,   
> Venus xo


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